How Long?

I am worn out waiting for your rescue, but I have put my hope in your word. My eyes are straining to see your promises come true. When will you comfort me? I am shriveled like a wineskin in the smoke, but I have not forgotten to obey your decrees. How long must I wait? When will you punish those who persecute me? These arrogant people who hate your instructions have dug deep pits to trap me. All your commands are trustworthy. Protect me from those who hunt me down without cause. They almost finished me off, but I refused to abandon your commandments. In your unfailing love, spare my life; then I can continue to obey your laws. (Psalms 119:81-88 - Holy Bible, New Living Translation ®, copyright © 1996, 2004 by Tyndale Charitable Trust. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers. All rights reserved.)

There have certainly been times in my life when I felt persecuted and worn out with waiting for God's promises to come true - though much of the time I have been amazed at how quickly and efficiently God works.  And I have to wonder - how many of the times when I've felt discouraged and worn out has it been because I expected God to fulfill my wish list instead of acknowledging the many blessings He gives me each day and accepting His will for me?  For that matter, how many times when I've felt persecuted has it been because others have simply not met my expectations?  I'm learning that my own expectations too often cause me to be blind to God's gifts all around me!  Can I let go of expectations and simply trust my loving Heavenly Father?

The next question that comes to me is, Can I say with the Psalmist that no matter what I have not forgotten to obey God? Do I always put my hope in His word?  Unfortunately, I know there are far too many times when I forget to seek His will at all, let alone follow it!  Father, forgive me for my lack of awareness of you!  Forgive me for those times when I forget to seek you or am too stubborn to hear or follow your lead!  May I let go of my own desires and expectations and seek your will only in my life!  As the Psalmist does, I also know that your commands are trustworthy!  I know that following your will is what saves me and brings me everlasting joy.  Why do I so easily forget that? Why am I so willful?  Father, I ask that you take my will and make it yours that I may always remember to seek you and follow your guidance in all things.  Thank you, Father!

Another verse comes to mind; an earlier verse from this same chapter - "I have hidden your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you." (Psalms 119:11 - Holy Bible, New Living Translation ®, copyright © 1996, 2004 by Tyndale Charitable Trust. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers. All rights reserved.)  Is this yet part of the problem, Father?  Am I still focused on what is best for me rather than what you wish?  I know that part of why I seek your will is that I know in the long run it is what is best for me.  How can I let go of such selfish motivations and make my choices based only on my love for you?  Father, only you can change my heart and make it happen.  Father, I once again ask for a clean heart and right spirit as only you can give.  Only you can so fill me with your love that I can be free of any other motivations.  I ask for this now, Father - even though that selfish part of me is yelling out in fear for the consequences!  I know I can trust you, Father, and I am grateful. Thank you for your love for me no matter what I do!  I am so grateful that in the midst of this selfish world, I have such a loving Father in heaven, and I indeed want your will done in earth as it is in heaven.  What a wonder that will be, Father!  All selfishness erased and everyone acting out of love for each other!  What a concept! I so look forward to that earth made new, Father, and ask that it begin in me.  May my thoughts and actions be that fully based in love, Father!  Thank you, thank you, thank you!

As I re-read today's passage, it strikes me once again.  When the Psalmist talks about those who persecute him, he is often seeking vengeance - "When will you punish those who persecute me?"  This does not sound like the loving motivation I would expect from one who claims to be following God's commands!  Jesus taught us to love our enemies (Matthew 5:44).  Is this part of why the Psalmist is so discouraged?  Because he is expecting God to punish others?  And yet, a loving parent DOES step in and discipline his children when he sees them hurting each other, doesn't he?  Hmm, when they are little, perhaps.  But as they grow older he expects them to take more and more responsibility for working out their own problems doesn't he?  If a parent continues to "fight his children's battles" as they grow older, it ceases to be helpful and begins to harm the child!  Perhaps in our relationships, if we're not seeing God step in to meet out punishment and save us, it is because there are things WE need to do to work things out!  

And then another verse comes to mind: "But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing." (James 1:4 - NKJV)  Is this perhaps part of the problem?  Are there times when I am too impatient?  Do I forget how patiently God leads me and expect Him to lead others more harshly?  

Father, I know there is so much about your ways that I still don't understand.  Thank you for being a patient teacher for me!  May I be so filled with your love that I too am patient while you work with those others of your children!  I love you, Father!