God's Strength

This morning I've been feeling so frustrated with myself.  More and more it looks like doors are indeed opening for teaching this class and I find myself so afraid. Each new step along the path requires so much energy to push past the fear!  I caught thoughts such as - "I never knew I was such a coward!" - running through my head this morning.  And I keep asking myself, "Why can't I trust God more?"  Every day there's more evidence of that "open door" set before me and more guidance about what I need to do to walk through it without "falling into the ditch" (to understand the references more clearly, see previous post).  Each day brings new evidence of His guidance and that I'm on the path He has made for me.  Why am I so afraid?  I KNOW God can be trusted!  Why can't I just relax?  Why am I so weak?

Then, I opened my bible and the first thing I saw was this verse:

"And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me." (2 Corinthians 12:9 - KJV)

Well, it's hard to consider "glorying" in my weakness in this regard, but I know this is part of God's message for me today. And if my being weak in this way means that God's power will rest more fully upon me, I'm all for it!  I don't know all the ins and outs of why He's doing what He's doing, but it DOES make sense that it's not all about dancing!  Perhaps there are people in the dance world that He plans to reach through this experience. Somehow these thoughts help calm me - a fact that surprises me when I realize this probably means being even more vulnerable to those around me than I even thought I'd have to be.  And yet I can easily see that God's strength IS made perfect in such vulnerability. Father, please give me the willingness to be whatever you would have me be - even if it means feeling like a scared little girl!  Thank you for the promise of Your power and for keeping me moving forward on the path you have set for me.  I love you, Father!

This is today's passage from Psalms 119:

"Your testimonies are wonderful; therefore my soul keeps them. The unfolding of your words gives light; it imparts understanding to the simple. I open my mouth and pant, because I long for your commandments. Turn to me and be gracious to me, as is your way with those who love your name. Keep steady my steps according to your promise, and let no iniquity get dominion over me. Redeem me from man's oppression, that I may keep your precepts. Make your face shine upon your servant, and teach me your statutes. My eyes shed streams of tears, because people do not keep your law." (Psalms 119:129-136 ESV)

After all these days of studying this chapter in Psalms I feel a much deeper understanding of the love of God's law.  For me, it's not about loving a set of words carved in stone - though I can love that like I love the declaration of independence or the constitution of our land.  The real love is in the day to day guidance that I receive from God when I seek it.  How amazing is that?  The KING OF THE UNIVERSE takes the time to specifically guide and direct ME! Yes, I'm fearful at times, though I wish I wasn't.  But I can't imagine being able to walk through that fear without knowing for sure that God's hand was guiding me through it!  If I didn't have the clear guidance that I've been given time and time again in recent weeks, there is no way I'd have the courage to move forward - I can barely do it now!  Father, thank you so much for your understanding of my human weaknesses and your support in moving me past them!  Thank you so much for your clear guidance! It means the world to me.  

The words of the Psalmist come to mind, "Great peace have they which love thy law: and nothing shall offend them." (Psalms 119:165 KJV)  Or as the New Century Version puts it: "Those who love your teachings will find true peace, and nothing will defeat them."  I'm starting to experience and understand this for myself at a MUCH deeper level.  Elsewhere the Bible speaks of "the peace of God, which passeth all understanding" (Philippians 4:7 KJV), and that is what I'm feeling now.  How can I continually face such towering fear, and yet find peace?  It really does pass all human understanding!  "And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God's love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God's love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 8:38-39 - emphasis mine - Holy Bible, New Living Translation ®, copyright © 1996, 2004 by Tyndale Charitable Trust. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers. All rights reserved.)  Thank you, God!

Returning to the passage from Psalms 119, I find myself focusing on these words: "Turn to me and be gracious to me, as is your way with those who love your name. Keep steady my steps according to your promise, and let no iniquity get dominion over me."  For me, this is a gentle reminder that God is indeed watching over me.  He is gracious to me, will keep my steps steady, and will not let "iniquity" (including FEAR) get dominion over me.  Thank you, Father!

"Redeem me from man's oppression, that I may keep your precepts."   This reminds me that I don't want to be worrying about what others think about me - that just oppresses me and keeps my eyes on the troubles instead of on the God that is WAY bigger than the troubles.  As I keep my eyes on God He gives me the strength and courage to move forward on His path no matter what others think, say, or do.  Father, please make this so!  You know how easily I can forget to look at you and begin to worry about the stormy seas instead!  Please keep my mind on you so I can walk the sea with ease!  

"Make your face shine upon your servant, and teach me your statutes." What does it mean for God's face to shine on me?  To me that sounds like being given God's blessing in such a way that it is visible to all around me. Other translations say: "show your kindness to me", "look upon me with love", and "smile on me".  Over and over I've pondered the continued references in this chapter to how the Psalmist keeps God's commands, and yet continues to ask to be taught.  How can he say he keeps God's commandments if he's continually praying to be taught?  I think I'm beginning to understand because of what I've been going through the last few weeks.  I would put it this way: Father, thank you so much for your guidance in my life!  I can't imagine trying to travel this path without You lighting the way!  Please continue to guide me.  I've done what I've felt you guiding me to do - even if I WAS afraid - and I ask you to and know you WILL fulfill your promises of continued guidance.  I'm so grateful for your promise to keep me from falling!  Please continue to guide my steps as you have promised.  Thank you, Father!

"My eyes shed streams of tears, because people do not keep your law."  This last verse is probably the one that is hardest for me to relate to today. Certainly my eyes have streamed tears this morning, and perhaps it could be seen as being because I was afraid - which is NOT living by God's teachings of trust. So maybe I was these "people" today. But in reality, the tears have mostly been tears of gratitude that God doesn't give up on me just because I'm afraid, but instead gently takes my hand and leads me through it. 

My second challenge with this verse is that while I wish it weren't so, my mind has been so focused on myself and my challenges that I haven't given too much thought to how well other people are doing at seeking and following God's guidance.  And yet, I DO shed these sorts of tears at times when it comes to people I care deeply about - including my daughter.  Father, please fill me with your love - so full that not only is fear cast out, but that I can't help but care about all those around me as much as I care about myself!  You've repeatedly said that this is your second commandment.  May I learn to live it ever more fully.  Thank you, Father for your gentle guidance and for being so understanding.  Please remove my selfishness, replacing it with your love so that I can better serve you. Thank you, Father.  And as I move forward into my day, Father, please guide my steps that each one is on the path that you have set. In my words, thoughts, and actions today, may all be according to your will, Father!  Thank you!