My Guardian

This morning I opened my new Bible - the International Standard Version - to where I left off at the end of Psalms 119.  I noticed that in this version, each of the chapters have a title or heading, so I started to go through and look at those.  As I did so, one jumped out at me. The entire chapter is only 7 verses long:

The Guardian of God’s People

"I lift up my eyes toward the mountains—from where will my help come?  My help is from the Lord, maker of heaven and earth.  He will never let your foot slip, nor will your guardian become drowsy.  Look! The one who is guarding Israel never sleeps and does not take naps.  The Lord is your guardian; the Lord is your shade at your right side.  The sun will not ravage you by day, nor the moon by night.  The Lord will guard you from all evil, preserving your life.  The Lord will guard your goings and comings, from this time on and forever." (Psalm 121   ISV)

I realize how easy it is for me to fall back into fear as I move forward into the challenges of each day.  It helps to remind myself that I've given God charge of my life and he is leading me.  This short chapter is full of wonderful promises.  Several stand out particularly to me today:

• "He will never let your foot slip" Thank you, Father! You know my concerns about making a wrong move.  What a wonderful promise this is.  Father, I believe, help thou mine unbelief!  May I relax and trust you fully!  How wonderful to know that you will not let my foot slip!
• "Nor will your guardian become drowsy. . . (he) never sleeps and does not take naps." I get a kick out of this one.  I remember when I was growing up, there was a night watchman who was hired to keep an eye on a nearby building - but it seemed he was always SLEEPING!  Though it seems silly to think of God falling asleep on the job, I am so grateful to know that nothing will catch Him unawares.  He has my back no matter what. Thank you, Father!
• "The Lord will guard your goings and comings from this time on and forever."  Unfortunately, I have a tendency to worry about a lot of things.  One of those is that I'll forget to stop and consciously ask my Father for guidance about something and get myself in trouble.  This verse speaks to this for me.  God knows I want His leading in my life and that I am working on learning to "pray without ceasing" (I Thessalonians 5:17), but He also understands my human forgetfulness.  I take this verse as a promise that he continues to guard my activities - even on those occasions where I forget to formally seek His will.  I've given my will and my life to Him and He takes that decision seriously.  Thank you, Father! I am so glad that NOTHING can separate me from your love (Romans 8:35,38,39) - not even myself!  Thank you, Father!

I look again at the verse from I Thessalonians that had come to mind - and read the surrounding verses.  Paul had written instructions for daily living to the church members there and this verse is in the middle of his instructions, sandwiched on both sides by instructions to be joyfilled and thankful:

"Always be joyful. Continually be prayerful. In everything be thankful, because this is God’s will for you in the Messiah Jesus." (1 Thessalonians 5:16-19 ISV)

It sounds good, doesn't it?  But how challenging it is for me to stay in that mindset!  ALWAYS be joyful?  CONTINUALLY be prayerful? In EVERYTHING be thankful?  What a tall order.  I am so glad that God is not just the author, but also the finisher of my faith (Heb 2:2).  He will continue the work He has begun in me will continue it and see it to completion (Phil 1:6), always bringing me closer to living that ideal.

Father, thank you so much for your love and power in my life!  May I learn from you so that I can follow these instructions to ALWAYS be joyful, CONTINUALLY be prayerful, and in EVERYTHING be thankful!  One would think it would be relatively easy to follow these instructions when things seem to be going well; that the challenge would come when thing seem to be going badly.  Unfortunately, Father, I see in me a tendency toward worry even when things are going well!  I think of that song from childhood, "Why worry, when you can pray?"  What a great question.  Father, I want to give you my burdens as I've been instructed to do; to turn my worries over to you and move forward in joyful thanksgiving.  Even this I can only do through your strength and love and I ask for that once again this day.  Thank you for all you are doing in my life!  And thank you for the following words that you brought to my mind:

"For ye shall go out with joy, and be led forth with peace: the mountains and the hills shall break forth before you into singing, and all the trees of the field shall clap their hands."  (Isaiah 55:12  KJV)

Thank you, Father!  It is indeed "a good thing to give thanks" to you. (Ps 92:1) You do indeed do all things well (Mark 7:37), and I am grateful.  Once again this day I choose to enter into your gates with singing and into your courts with praise (Ps 100:4) as I remember that "This is the day that the Lord hath made. We will rejoice and be glad in it."(Ps 118:24)  Thank you, Father!  Thank you for what you are doing in my life and the miracles you are performing for me now.  Father, you know the desires of my heart even better than I do, and I rejoice as I remember your words through the Psalmist: 

"Delight thyself also in the Lord; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.  Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass."  (Psalms 37:4-5 KJV)

Wow, not only is my life to be easier because of handing over my worry to you so that I can always be joyful, but you've promised that as I do so, as I delight in You, You will give me the desires of my heart!  As if being able to be joy-filled isn't reward enough, you add even more incentive!  Father, thank you.  I know you know me better than I know myself, and I can trust you to know what my truest desires are.  Thank you for this wonderful promise that as I delight in you, you will give me my desires!  No wonder Jesus talked about how you give: "good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over" (Luke 6:38).  

As I read this verse in Luke, I am reminded that I am expected to give - that indeed this is a prerequisite for receiving.  I find myself asking, "What am I to give"?  I don't want to keep the blessings at bay by being selfish and tightfisted!  Then I am gently reminded of the many things I've been giving: time spent cueing, hand crafted cards for folks, fabric, etc. And yet I know my heart and how easy it is to become selfish.  Father, please guard my heart and my mind as promised (Phil 4:7). May I be so filled with your love that giving is second nature to me and that I give to others as freely as you give to me.  Thank you, Father.
 

This brings me full circle to where I started this morning - with the idea of God as my guardian.  Father you have given me so many wonderful promises this morning!  Thank you for being such a good guardian to me - today and everyday.  Thank you for guarding my path and keeping me from falling, and for giving me my hearts desires and for giving me joy and peace instead of worry and depression.  As Isaiah said, you give: "a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, a mantle of praise instead of a spirit of despair." (Isaiah 61:3 ISV) Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Thank You, God!

This morning I am once again SO grateful for God's guidance!  I believe the words of Psalms 127:1 -- "Except the Lord build the house, they labour in vain that build it".  And I am very clear that I want God in charge of whatever building I'm involved in doing!  He has opened and shut doors for me in amazing ways!

One small (but for me very exciting) example of the way God has opened and shut doors was regarding the creation of a flyer announcing our intent to start classes soon.  I had been encouraged by a friend to create such flyers to advertise at a state-wide event.  But when the time came to print them, I couldn't do it!  My first plan had been to print one sheet and then use the photo copier to copy it onto some pretty border paper.  But the copier wouldn't work - for no reason that we could discover!   Next I tried printing it on our main printer.  No luck.  No matter how many cleaning cycles we put it through the black ink didn't print clearly.  Finally I tried it on my photo printer.  But it wouldn't work either!  It acted like it was out of some of the colors of ink, but I couldn't figure color(s) needed to be replaced!  Despite knowing that I had a printer utility on my computer to help with that task, and that I had put in a place where I could find it easily, I could NOT find it!  It seemed pretty clear to my husband and me by that point that we were being told to NOT print that flyer!

And now, for "the rest of the story".  This morning, I ran the print utility on the photo printer to see what ink needed to be replaced so that I could print up some little reminder cards of some of the texts I've shared on my blog and want to remember.  Suddenly, all colors were printing JUST FINE without my having done a thing!!!  I indeed want to shout God's praises for the way He keeps everything running right! (Ps. 119:164)  What an amazingly clear demonstration of the way He opens and closes doors to keep me in alignment with His will!  Thank you, Father!  Please continue to open and close doors that I may not step outside of your will.

As I gratefully remember His guidance in the past and once again seek His guidance for this day, these final verses from Psalms 119 really resonate:

"May my cry arise before you, Lord; give me understanding according to your word. Let my request come before you; deliver me, as you have promised. May my lips utter praise, for you teach me your statutes.  May my tongue sing about your promise, for all of your commands are right. May your hand stand ready to assist me, for I have chosen your precepts.  I am longing for your deliverance, Lord, and your instruction is my joy. Let me live, and I will praise you; let your ordinances help me. I have wandered away like a lost sheep; come find your servant, for I do not forget your commands."  (Psalms 119:169-176  ISV)

I seek to understand God's will - and to be delivered from those "sins that so easily beset" me, and I praise God as He continues to show me His way.  He is an amazing God and so willing to guide in even the most mundane tasks!  I am so grateful that He works in me both to will and to do of His good pleasure! (Phil. 2:13)  On my own, I am indeed like a lost sheep!  I am so grateful that he seeks and finds me and guides me into safe pasture!

Thinking of the "sins that so easily beset" I look up that passage in Hebrews 12:1-3:

"Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. For consider Him who endured such hostility from sinners against Himself, lest you become weary and discouraged in your souls." NKJV

Yes, indeed, I see the need to lay aside every weight.  We have been told to cast our cares upon God, and I need to do that.  It's too easy for me to worry about things.  Yet look at how I was protected from making a mistake with those flyers! And I have no doubt they would have been a mistake, though I can't say I know all the reasons why - except that perhaps we needed to focus our attention in a different direction and not be distracted by whatever would have come from those flyers.  I DO know that it turned out that there were VERY FEW people at that state-wide event that came from the area in which we'll be teaching the class -- and those that did already knew about it.

So this morning I again read the last few verses of Psalms 119 -- this time from The Message Bible.  Some of the phrases really stand out to me:

"Let praise cascade off my lips; after all, you've taught me the truth about life!  . . . And let your promises ring from my tongue; every order you've given is right. . . .  Put your hand out and steady me since I've chosen to live by your counsel. . . . I love it when you show yourself! . . . And should I wander off like a lost sheep — seek me! I'll recognize the sound of your voice." (Psalms 119:169-176 - from THE MESSAGE: The Bible in Contemporary Language © 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson. All rights reserved.)

Thank you, Father for making yourself so clear to me that I can recognize your leading!  Thank you for continuing to lead me and for your promise that you will see the work you've begun in me to completion. (Phil 1:6) Thank you for building this "house" that you are building - and for promising that I won't be required to get up early and stay up late to make it happen - that you give sleep to those you love! (Ps. 127:1,2) Thank you for your word about the "open door" (Rev 3:8,9), and for continuing to open and close doors for me as you see fit.  Please keep me on Your path, Father!  Thank you so much for all you're doing -- not just the guidance, but for making it so clear!  I am SO grateful!

Fear God?

I've always wondered about the verses that talk about coming before God with fear and trembling.  My experience of God is that He is a God of love, mercy, and patience, and we have NOTHING to fear.  "The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?" (Psalms 27:1 KJV)  

Why then does the Bible so often speak of fearing God, then?  I think, for example, of this verse: "Serve the Lord with fear, And rejoice with trembling." (Psalms 2:11 NKJV)  Does that even make sense? How can you rejoice with trembling? And if you can, why would you want to? And why should you serve God with fear? Well, I'm sure I don't have all the answers, but this morning I may have one of them. 

A couple of days ago I mentioned asking for a sign.  Today we have our answer.  As God has repeatedly told me, He has set before me an open door.  Now I have to be willing to walk through it.  I want to be enthusiastic about the opportunities ahead, knowing that God's will is best - but what I feel the most is fear.  I'm not ready for this! Or at least I don't feel ready.  But I know God can be trusted and if He says to move forward, that is what I want to do. As I think about this, I realize that it's not surprising that we might sometimes fear God!  He asks us to do things that we CAN NOT do - at least on our own.  His plans for us are big enough to ENSURE that we rely on Him. So, this morning I feel the fear and ask to be able to serve Him and be able to rejoice - even in the midst of my fear.  As I focus on the fact that God can be trusted and work to move forward into what He has put before me, I ask that His love cast out my fear as He has promised (I John 4:18). 

I turn to Psalms 119 as I have been doing for some time now.  I'm nearing the end of this longest chapter.  As usual I read in several versions.  These words jump out at me: "Influential people have persecuted me for no reason, but it is only your words that fill my heart with terror. I find joy in your promise like someone who finds a priceless treasure." (Psalms 119:161-162 - from GOD'S WORD Copyright © 1995 by God's Word to the Nations Bible Society. All rights reserved.)  Why would God's words fill the Psalmists heart with terror?  And yet, isn't that what I've been feeling as I think about moving forward into what He has set before me? Terror seeems like a pretty good word to describe my feelings!  And what confusing emotions are described here!  How can one experience terror & joy from the same thing?  And yet, isn't that similar to what I'm experiencing?  In addition to the terror, I also feel immense gratitude that God is so patient with me and so willing to go over things again and again with me until I feel confident that I understand His will for me.  And I feel joy at the miracle He's already performed for us. There's even a TINY part of me that is excited to see what He is bringing about.

Returning to the passage in Psalms 119, I read it from the Message Bible:

"I've been slandered unmercifully by the politicians, but my awe at your words keeps me stable.  I'm ecstatic over what you say, like one who strikes it rich.  I hate lies — can't stand them! —  but I love what you have revealed.  Seven times each day I stop and shout praises for the way you keep everything running right.  For those who love what you reveal, everything fits —  no stumbling around in the dark for them.  I wait  expectantly for your salvation; God, I do what you tell me.  My soul guards and keeps all your instructions —  oh, how much I love them!  I follow your directions, abide by your counsel; my life's an open book before you." (Psalms 119:161-168 - from THE MESSAGE: The Bible in Contemporary Language © 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson. All rights reserved.)

Several things strike me from this passage:

• I can relate to dealing with the politician's slander and hating lies.  I think part of what makes stepping forward so frightening for me - besides the fear of "failure" (how can I fail if I do what God directs through His strength?  Things might not turn out as I think I might want them to, but how can I call God's handiwork failure?????) - is the knowledge that I will once again become in some ways a "public" figure, and as such, will be more likely to experience slander and gossip behind my back.  It has happened before - and I will likely be dealing with some of those same people again!  How do I combat this? The answer comes clear as I read further.
• God's guidance and my appreciation of it can keep me stable and help me avoid becoming upset and discouraged by any gossip or slander that comes my way. 
• I've known how valuable gratitude is, but it sounds like I need to "up my game" in that regard. "Seven times each day I stop and shout praises for the way you keep everything running right."  Wow! What will my life be like if I make it a point to stop SEVEN times each day to shout praises to God for the way He keeps everything running right????? This sounds like a REALLY valuable habit to form!
• What a great promise - "For those who love what you reveal, everything fits —  no stumbling around in the dark for them."  Thank you, Father! Please fill me with your love so I can live this way - loving what you reveal instead of fearing it!  Thank you, Father.   
• I need to do what I'm told and trust God for the rest, waiting for Him to act. "I wait  expectantly for your salvation; God, I do what you tell me.  My soul guards and keeps all your instructions —  oh, how much I love them!  I follow your directions, abide by your counsel; my life's an open book before you."

I decided to do a little more looking at verses that talk about "fear and trembling".  Here are a couple less common ones that stood out to me.  The first is a passage written by Paul to the Corinthians, describing His early experiences with them (emphasis mine).

"When I came to you, brothers, I didn’t come and tell you about God’s secret with rhetorical language or wisdom. For while I was with you I resolved to know nothing except Jesus the Messiah, and him crucified. It was in weakness, fear, and great trembling that I came to you. My message and my preaching were not accompanied by clever, wise words, but by a display of the Spirit’s power, so that your faith would not be based on human wisdom but on God’s power." (1 Corinthians 2:1-5 ISV)

This is Paul's experience about preaching, but I hear that still small voice speaking to me about my upcoming teaching.  I SO long to be seen as a "good" teacher.  I want to have perfect form as I demonstrate the moves and be very articulate as I explain things - with examples that all can relate to. Much, I suspect, as Paul might have wanted to preach with "clever, wise words".  Instead, I need to continue to seek God's guidance and power to carry out His will. "For it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure. Do all things without murmurings and disputings: That ye may be blameless and harmless, the sons of God, without rebuke, in the midst of a crooked and perverse nation, among whom ye shine as lights in the world; (Philippians 2:13-15 KJV)  This verse not only promises that God will work with me so that I am eager to do His will, but will also give me what I need to be able to carry out his bidding.  And the bit about doing all things without murmurings and disputings is a confirmation to me that trying to build bridges where there might otherwise be contention is indeed an important thing.  Thank you, Father, for your ideas in this regard!
 
One last passage about fear and trembling speaks to me.  The passage is talking about Titus and his reception by the church at Corinth, but through the words I hear the voice of my Savior "And his affections are greater for you as he remembers the obedience of you all, how with fear and trembling you received him." (2 Corinthians 7:15-16 NKJV - speaking of Titus)  That still small voice whispers to me that God's affection for me will be only increased as he remembers my obedience despite my fear and trembling.  Thank you, Father, for your understanding.  I want to be obedient.  Please fulfill your promises and work that miracle in my life that I may sing your praises seven times a day; That I may do your will and step forward despite my human fears and will rejoice in your salvation.  Thank you, God!

Misery?

Look on my misery, and rescue me, for I do not ignore your instruction.  Defend my case and redeem me; revive me according to your promise. Deliverance remains remote from the wicked, for they do not seek your statutes. Your mercies are magnificent, Lord; revive me according to your judgments.  Though my  persecutors and adversaries are numerous, I do not turn aside from your decrees.  I watch the treacherous, and despise them, because they do not do what you have said.  Look how I love your precepts, Lord; revive me according to your gracious love.  The sum of your word is truth, and each righteous ordinance of yours is everlasting. (Psalms 119:153-160 ISV)

As I started reading this next passage from Psalms 119, I didn't feel it related to me at all.  I hadn't been feeling miserable had I?  I've been living in a space of such gratitude for the miracle we saw over the weekend.  How can I relate to these words about misery?  I went so far as to stop and ask God if there was another passage I should focus on this morning instead.  Then I heard that still small voice speaking. . . .

There is indeed a part of my life where I've been feeling misery and need deliverance - my weight.  God has promised me that as I step forward to do the things He's called me to do, I'll lose the weight, but after an initial drop, my weight started inching up again.  Why?  Well, I tend to eat when I'm feeling stressed, and I've certainly been feeling a lot of stress in recent weeks. I've come to understand God's promise to me in this regard goes far beyond a simple physical healing.  It is also teaching me about how to live in a more healthy way.  For instance, He is teaching me to trust Him more so that I don't experience life as so stressful (thus am less likely to trigger food cravings). He is also teaching me better ways to handle stress than to eat over it.  So, these are His promises to me, and I want to claim these promises and see them completely fulfilled in my life!

From this perspective, this passage from Psalms 119 really resonates. "Look on my misery, and rescue me, for I do not ignore your instruction." Father, I am stepping forward in faith to do those things I feel called by you to do, despite my fear.  Please keep me from overeating when I feel that fear creeping in.  Please cast out that fear with your love, and give me the strength and wisdom to eat in a healthy way that I may indeed lose the weight as you've promised.  

"Defend my case and redeem me; revive me according to your promise." At first glance, I'm not sure what "defending" I need, but then it comes to me.  I need to be defended against the temptations I face on a daily basis regarding food.  Also, that word translated "defend" can also mean to argue or grapple with.  I recognize I've been grappling with issues around how best to meet my body's needs in the most healthy way and still interact comfortably with others when needing to eat out or eat in their homes, or whatever.  Father, you know my weaknesses, but you have promised that your strength is made perfect in weakness!  I continue to ask your guidance and the willingness to follow it.  Thank you, Father!  

"Deliverance remains remote from the wicked, for they do not seek your statutes." This passage reminds me that I cannot miss-use food and expect deliverance.  My only hope is to continually seek God's guidance in this and every part of my life.  Father, I'm so grateful that you are still a God of miracles.  I've seen your miracles on my behalf this weekend.  Now I'm asking for another miracle - for that is what reaching and maintaining a healthy weight will certainly be.  I'm seeking your counsel, Father.  Please make your guidance clear to me and give me the miracle of willingness to follow it.  You know how willful I can be when it comes to food.  Please relieve me of that bondage that I might better serve you.  Thank you, Father!

"Your mercies are magnificent, Lord; revive me according to your judgments."  Father, I am so grateful that you are a merciful God who understands our weaknesses.  As I seek your will and follow it - through your miracles in my behalf - I look forward to the physical recovery you have promised.

"Though my persecutors and adversaries are numerous, I do not turn aside from your decrees."  Once again, at first glance I don't feel I have a bunch of persecutors and adversaries - and then I realize.  When it comes to food, I have so many!  The food itself persecutes me - taunting me with thoughts of how good it would taste.  And many people surround me that serve a similar function, trying to convince me that it's not that big a deal to eat this or eat more of that.  And I myself fill that role at times, worrying about what others will think about my food choices, about hurting their feelings if I don't eat their food, and about what I will eat under conditions where the most healthy choices are not readily available.  Once again, Father, you give me guidance.  I need to follow your lead in this at all times.  I need to not turn away from your guidance to me - no matter how strong the temptation.  Father, I need a miracle!  Jesus, I think of how you fasted for 40 days in the wilderness and then still withstood tremendous temptations - demonstrating that even in a physically weakened state, we can hold fast.  Father, please strengthen me that I do not turn away from your decrees - from what you ask of me - whether food related, or other things that scare me!  Thank you, Father.

"I watch the treacherous, and despise them, because they do not do what you have said." As I read this, I realize the treacherous that I despise is ME when I don't do what God has guided me to do.  Father, I don't want to be numbered among the treacherous.  I want to fully and completely follow your guidance for me.  I want to follow your guidance so thoroughly that Jesus words could be true for me - that if folks have seen me, they've seen you.  Father, I am SO far from that ideal.  Once again, I ask for the miracle of your salvation - to save me from that sin within me that keeps me from living completely in alignment with your will.  Thank you, Father!

"Look how I love your precepts, Lord; revive me according to your gracious love." The study of this Psalm has been so valuable to me!  As I continue to seek understanding of the words in this Psalm, I find I am indeed coming to better understand and appreciate God's "law".  I am so grateful for his leading in my life! Father, thank you so much for increased understanding and willingness to follow your guidance.  I ask that I continue to grow in an understanding and appreciation of your will in my life - and in my adherence to that will.  I once again see the promise of recovery because of Your love for me. Thank you, Father!

"The sum of your word is truth, and each righteous ordinance of yours is everlasting."  There are so many "experts" out there trying to convince me that their diet or eating plan is the right one for weight loss.  They contradict each other and it can be so challenging to know what to do.  I am so grateful for God's guidance to bring the truth of the matter for me.  Father, thank you for your promises.  I am so grateful for this time that we get to share every day!  Thank you for your mighty miracles on my behalf as I seek to follow your will.  Thank you for not only willingness, but eagerness to follow your leadership in my life. Thank you, Father! Amen.

Unless the Lord Build the House

For the last several days, something has been on my mind and I want to be absolutely certain that I know God's will in this matter.  I have always been hesitant to ask God for a sign or to "put out a fleece" as Gideon did. Though there are plenty of examples in the Bible of folks asking for signs and God giving signs, I remember Jesus words about how "an evil and adulterous generation seeketh after a sign" (Matt 12:39). And I remember how Gideon asked for a sign with the fleece - not once but twice - and I was always taught how that demonstrated a lack of faith.  These stories have inspired caution, and yet how can I move forward in full confidence if I'm not certain of God's will in the matter?

So, this morning my husband and I prayed together and asked for a sign to clearly indicate God's will.  I did so with a fair amount of trepidation, but with an earnest desire to know God's will.  The verse that then came to me within minutes of finishing our prayer was the one right before the verse about Him giving sleep to those He loves.  It's found in Psalms 127:1: "Except the Lord build the house, they labor in vain that build it".  To me this was a clear indication that God understands that I only want to work towards building the house the Lord is building.  I don't want to be working outside of His will.  This is such a comfort to me!  So, the fleece has been put out so to speak and I've been given assurance that God understands my heart in this matter and I can trust in His love.  Now I want to read more about Gideon's experience in the hopes that I may be better prepared to move forward - in whatever direction God indicates.

The story of Gideon is found in the book of Judges, chapters 6 through 8. It is much too long to quote here, but there are a couple of things that seem particularly relevant to the idea of asking for a sign.  As I re-read the story, I realized that when Gideon had put out the fleece - twice - he had already received a sign where He had clearly recognized God.  He had presented food to His angelic visitor who had touched it with his staff which caused it to burst into flames and be completely burned up.  Gideon clearly indicated his recognition that it was God visiting him.  He STILL asked for the sign with the fleece, TWICE, after that.  However, there is no indication that God was displeased with him for doing so.  God understood that Gideon needed to be sure to be able to move forward in confidence.  In fact, AFTER giving Gideon those three signs, God took it a step further and gave Gideon a further sign in the form of a Midianite's dream & interpretation which God had directed him to listen for.  Isn't God wonderful?!  He understands our human fears and meets us where we are.  Thank you, Father!  And I found myself feeling very good about Gideon's choice after the battle was all over and he was approached by the people to reign as king.  He refused, saying that God would rule over the Israelites.  YAY!  Here was someone who clearly recognized God's leading and sought to point others in that direction.

I still find Gideon's story to be a cautionary one, though.  After the amazing victory - clearly orchestrated and implemented by God, Gideon took some steps that were apparently NOT directed by God.   He asked for spoils of the war - the rings that each Midianite was wearing.  At first glance, I'm tempted to think this was a selfish seeking of wealth for himself, but a further read of the story suggests a different motivation.  He melted these rings down and made an ephod - a garment that the high priest wore that was designed to indicate God's direction to the Israelites.  We are told, "Gideon crafted the booty into an ephod and enshrined it in his home town of Ophrah. Then all of Israel committed spiritual adultery with it there, and it became a snare for Gideon and his household." (Judges 8:27 ISV)  We're not told what Gideon's motivation was.  Did he begin to believe that he was someone specially chosen by God for more than leading the small army to defeat the Midianites? Did he come to think that God's leading him so personally meant that he should lead others the way the high priest was called to do?  Did he come to rely so much on signs that he chose to focus on seeking signs rather than seeking God?  Whatever his motivation, the story is clear: it became a snare for Gideon and his household.

I recognize this as a warning for me.  God understands my desire to follow His will and my need for clarity regarding His direction in my life. He is happy to support me in this way, but there are dangers.  I need to be clear to always seek His guidance rather than seeking signs.  And I need to make sure I don't set myself up as someone for others to follow in ways that He has not directed! 

Father, you know my heart.  You know I want your will to be done in my life. I don't want to run ahead and miss an important turn, I don't want to lag behind slowing our progress.  I want to walk WITH you, Father, in the way that YOU see is best.  Please protect me from the pitfalls along the way!  Thank you for your wise counsel and your promises to make sure I don't fall into a ditch! (Is 42:16)  Father, you have given me peace and the knowledge that you will direct my path.  Thank you!

I think of that verse "in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths" (Proverbs 3:6).  Father, you know I want to acknowledge you, but I don't want to do so in a way that is offensive. For example, it is clear to me that you performed a miracle the other night during our showcase. Yet I'm not sure how to make that clear to others in a way that will be understood. And I don't want to come across as "holier than thou".  I remember telling someone a couple of days ago that it would only be prayer that got us through it.  They clearly felt horrified that I would say such a thing.  Yet, you and I and my husband all know this is true. It was only your answers to our prayers and our acceptance of your will in the matter that made it possible for us to dance that Foxtrot as smoothly as we did. Please show me how best to acknowledge you in all of this!   The credit is yours, and I want to be sure you get it!  More than that, this verse shows how important it is to acknowledge you if I am to continue to have your guidance - which is so vital to me!  So, Father, even in this I need your guidance.  Please show me how best to do this!

Thank you, Father, for your many blessings in my life. And most of all for your guidance and direction.  It means everything to me, and I am so grateful for it!  Thank you, Father!

I think of the other verse that impressed itself on me again this morning: "But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." (Matthew 6:33,34 NKJV)  Clearly this is my answer; put God FIRST, and the rest will fall into place. Thank you, Father!  This is what I want to do.  Please show me how! Amen.

What's Sleep Got to Do with It?

I picked up another Bible version yesterday.  It's called the International Standard Version Bible - a new one to me. I look forward to seeing what it adds to my study since it is the first to take into account some of the Dead Sea Scrolls in the translating.  The passage for today is taken from that version.

"I have cried out with all of my heart. Answer me, Lord!  I will observe your statutes.  I have called out to you, “Save me, so I may keep your decrees.”  I get up before dawn and cry for help; I place my hope in your word.  I look forward to the night watches, when I may meditate on what you have said.  Hear my voice according to your gracious love. Lord, revive me in keeping with your justice.  Those who pursue wickedness draw near; they remain far from your instruction.   You are near, Lord, and all of your commands are true.  I discovered long ago about your decrees that you have confirmed them forever." (Psalms 119:145-152 ISV)

As is too often the case, I find there are some passages here to which I find it difficult to relate.  While I have certainly cried out with all of my heart for God to answer me, and for His will to be done in me, the idea of asking to be saved for the EXPRESS PURPOSE of keeping His decrees is at first a difficult one.  But then I hear that still small voice ask, "What is the Psalmist wanting to be saved FROM?"  Immediately I am reminded of the times that I've found myself feeling like Paul described in Romans:

"For I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but I cannot carry it out. For I don’t do the good I want to do, but instead do the evil that I don’t want to do. But if I do what I don’t want to do, I am no longer the one who is doing it, but it is the sin that is living in me. So I find this to be a principle: when I want to do what is good, evil is right there with me. For I delight in the Law of God in my inner being, but I see in my body a different principle waging war with the Law in my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin that exists in my body. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is infected by death? Thank God through Jesus the Messiah, our Lord, because with my mind I myself can serve the Law of God, even while with my human nature I serve the law of sin.
     Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in union with the Messiah Jesus. For the Spirit’s law of life in the Messiah Jesus has set me free from the Law of sin and death. For what the Law was powerless to do in that it was weakened by the flesh, God did. By sending his own Son in the form of humanity, he condemned sin by being incarnate, so that the righteous requirement of the Law might be fulfilled in us, who do not live according to human nature but according to the Spirit.  For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit. To focus our minds on the human nature leads to death, but to focus our minds on the Spirit leads to life and peace. That is why the mind that focuses on human nature is hostile toward God. It refuses to submit to the authority of God’s Law because it is powerless to do so.  Indeed, those who are under the control of human nature cannot please God. You, however, are not under the control of the human nature but under the control of the Spirit, since God’s Spirit lives in you. And if anyone does not have the Spirit of the Messiah, he does not belong to him. But if the Messiah is in you, your bodies are dead due to sin, but the spirit is alive due to righteousness.  And if the Spirit of the one who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, then the one who raised the Messiah from the dead will also make your mortal bodies alive by his Spirit who lives in you." (Romans 7:18-25, Romans 8:1-11  ISV)

Suddenly that passage from Psalms makes sense to me.  Of course!  How many times have I been frustrated because I find myself doing things I didn't want to do (like overeating) and not doing the things I want to do (like eat in a healthy way)?  How often have I cried out to God for deliverance?  In these situations, ONLY God's saving me from my own sinful human nature enables me to do His will and "keep His decrees"!  Thank you Father, for "so great salvation" (Heb 2:3)!

The next part of the passage from Psalms 119 brings a new thought.  "I get up before dawn and cry for help; I place my hope in your word.  I look forward to the night watches, when I may meditate on what you have said."  I have often found those hours before dawn to be so precious! And life goes much more smoothly when I start and end my day focused on God's word to me.  I contrast these verses with those I have been brought to so often in recent weeks, "It is useless to get up early and to stay up late, eating the food of exhausting labor—truly he gives sleep to those he loves." (Psalms 127:2 ISV)  

I've been grateful for this message that God gives sleep to those he loves, because I often don't get as much sleep as it seems my body would like.  I've found that meditating on this verse has often enabled me to go back to sleep when I wouldn't otherwise have been able to do so.  That has been a real blessing!  This new thought about getting up before dawn to cry for help and looking forward to the night when I can meditate on what God's said - combined with the example of Jesus and his habit of spending part or all of the night in prayer - shows me that there are indeed times when it might not be God's will for me to get a full 8 hours of sleep each night.  

As with so many things, it looks to me like living in a healthy way is more about motivation that specific action.  Why is it that I'm not sleeping?  Am I missing sleep so that I can commune with my Father and think about things He's brought to my attention, or is it because I'm worrying about something instead of trusting Him?  Is it because I'm burning the candle at both ends to try to accomplish the tasks set before me - despite the promise that God's "yoke is easy and His burden is light" (Matt. 11:30) - or is it because I'm seeking my Savior?  I suspect that motivation makes a HUGE difference in the way I experience my day.  And continuing with today's reading reminds me that God can indeed "revive me" (verse 149) if I have been "seeking first the kingdom" (Matt. 6:33). And he loves me enough to do so.  Thank you, Father!

Father, thank you for your care for me!  I'm so grateful, Father, for the habit you've formed in me of meeting with you each morning.  But I realize as I read these verses today that meditating on your words to me as I head to bed would be much more edifying than relaxing with a novel or a TV show!  And, I suspect this would also help curb my inclination to want to eat late at night when I know it's not good for me.  Father, please give me the willingness to focus on your words each night - to form a new habit of seeking you out in the evenings too.  Thank you!  Also, Father, may I be more open to opportunities to demonstrate your love to those around me and more focused on them than on myself.  And Father, if it be your will, please give us the miracle of your gracefulness on the dance floor this evening as we dance in the showcase.  And keep us in your will this day, Father.  May we get clear guidance as to the direction you'd like us to go with regard to classes and cueing.  Thank you, Father!

Too Focused?

This morning I am so grateful for the guidance God has given me!  It lights my way and gives me confidence to move forward - even if I can't see where the path is heading! Thank you, Father!

Today's passage from Psalms 119 reads:

"O Lord, you are righteous, and your regulations are fair. Your laws are perfect and completely trustworthy.  I am overwhelmed with indignation, for my enemies have disregarded your words.  Your promises have been thoroughly tested; that is why I love them so much.  I am insignificant and despised, but I don't forget your commandments. Your justice is eternal, and your instructions are perfectly true.  As pressure and stress bear down on me, I find joy in your commands. Your laws are always right; help me to understand them so I may live." (Psalms 119:137-144 - Holy Bible, New Living Translation ®, copyright © 1996, 2004 by Tyndale Charitable Trust. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers. All rights reserved.)

As I read the first verse, however, I wonder what the Psalmist means.  I find that "fairness" for me is a concept that seems less important the longer I seek God's guidance - yet this is not the first time I've seen the Psalmist talking about it. I've seen over time, however, that "It's not fair!" is a cry that is very likely to get me into trouble.  I have had to learn to focus on obedience to God's leading rather than on worrying whether or not it's "fair".  And truthfully, if God was always "fair" in His dealings with me, I'd be in a world of hurt!  I am so grateful that mercy and grace are a part of God's nature!  And yet, he is "fair" in this sense.  His mercy and grace are available for all. His guidance is there for all.  No matter how insignificant I feel in the grand scheme of things, He's there for ME - not just others.  He doesn't treat me as any less important than anyone else.  I am SO grateful.  Thank you, Father!

Taking the next verse, I have to agree.  God's guidance is always perfect for me and completely trustworthy.  Things always work out for the best when I align myself with His will for me.

The next verse again makes me pause.  Here is more indignation and worry about what others are doing.  I used to be overly concerned about what other people thought of me and at times this kept me from doing the things I felt guided to do.  Because of this, part of my learning process has been to learn to worry less about what other people think or do and focus on my own obedience.  Given that background, I have to wonder about the idea of indignation with regard to others. I can kind of understand that protective instinct rising when someone else attacks someone you care about, but why wouldn't I trust that God has all things under control and can fight His own battles?  Checking out other versions I see several that read something like this: "My zeal has consumed me, Because my enemies have forgotten Your words." (NKJV)  Frankly this is one I simply don't understand.  Father, please give me insight when the time is right!

The next few verses I can relate to pretty well as I am finding that seeking God's guidance daily brings such peace, no matter what comes my way.  I especially like the reminder that when pressure and stress bear down on me I need to remember God's guidance.  This is SO true for me right now.  My plate is SO full that if I'm not careful, I can easily get caught up in worry and stress instead of trusting God's leading in my life and looking to Him.  I also really relate to the last verse and the plea for help in understanding God's ways.  I know that is indeed the path of life and I am grateful for all of His promises and guidance. Sometimes I can still worry about whether or not I'm hearing His voice clearly, and I'm grateful for His willingness to make Himself so clear to me.

Father, what would you have me do today?  What is your wisdom for me this morning?  I am reminded of the words of a blog post by Jeff Goins titled "Are You Interruptible?"  It gave me some real food for thought.  Basically it suggests that it is important to cultivate the "discipline" of being interruptible - that being open to the "interruptions" that come our way and being fully present to the possibilities they bring is very important.  He makes some great points, and I'd encourage you to read his article. 

For me, I recognize that I am often not very interruptible.  An encounter a couple of days ago has been on my mind a great deal. I was given the opportunity to chat and get to know someone better but was so focused on the tasks that lay ahead of me that I missed the opportunity.  I know this is not an isolated incident in my life, but a far too common occurrence.   This is bad enough when it means I miss divine appointments with people I could help or who might help me in some way, but it is even more serious when I miss hearing that still small voice of my Heavenly Father's re-direction because I am too focused to be interrupted!

Father, as I step forward into the new that you are calling me to do, it is easy for me to get very focused on the tasks I see before me.  I can easily grow a bit frantic as I see all that I feel needs to be done and the short amount of time available in which to do it.  Father, I want to do a good job and be well prepared.  My motives are good, but I can have a tendency to forget that I can trust YOU to guide me each moment and that you give sleep to those you love. (Ps 127:2)  Father, please guide me throughout this day.  May I be interruptible - open to your leading and redirection each step of the way.  Thank you, Father!

God's Strength

This morning I've been feeling so frustrated with myself.  More and more it looks like doors are indeed opening for teaching this class and I find myself so afraid. Each new step along the path requires so much energy to push past the fear!  I caught thoughts such as - "I never knew I was such a coward!" - running through my head this morning.  And I keep asking myself, "Why can't I trust God more?"  Every day there's more evidence of that "open door" set before me and more guidance about what I need to do to walk through it without "falling into the ditch" (to understand the references more clearly, see previous post).  Each day brings new evidence of His guidance and that I'm on the path He has made for me.  Why am I so afraid?  I KNOW God can be trusted!  Why can't I just relax?  Why am I so weak?

Then, I opened my bible and the first thing I saw was this verse:

"And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me." (2 Corinthians 12:9 - KJV)

Well, it's hard to consider "glorying" in my weakness in this regard, but I know this is part of God's message for me today. And if my being weak in this way means that God's power will rest more fully upon me, I'm all for it!  I don't know all the ins and outs of why He's doing what He's doing, but it DOES make sense that it's not all about dancing!  Perhaps there are people in the dance world that He plans to reach through this experience. Somehow these thoughts help calm me - a fact that surprises me when I realize this probably means being even more vulnerable to those around me than I even thought I'd have to be.  And yet I can easily see that God's strength IS made perfect in such vulnerability. Father, please give me the willingness to be whatever you would have me be - even if it means feeling like a scared little girl!  Thank you for the promise of Your power and for keeping me moving forward on the path you have set for me.  I love you, Father!

This is today's passage from Psalms 119:

"Your testimonies are wonderful; therefore my soul keeps them. The unfolding of your words gives light; it imparts understanding to the simple. I open my mouth and pant, because I long for your commandments. Turn to me and be gracious to me, as is your way with those who love your name. Keep steady my steps according to your promise, and let no iniquity get dominion over me. Redeem me from man's oppression, that I may keep your precepts. Make your face shine upon your servant, and teach me your statutes. My eyes shed streams of tears, because people do not keep your law." (Psalms 119:129-136 ESV)

After all these days of studying this chapter in Psalms I feel a much deeper understanding of the love of God's law.  For me, it's not about loving a set of words carved in stone - though I can love that like I love the declaration of independence or the constitution of our land.  The real love is in the day to day guidance that I receive from God when I seek it.  How amazing is that?  The KING OF THE UNIVERSE takes the time to specifically guide and direct ME! Yes, I'm fearful at times, though I wish I wasn't.  But I can't imagine being able to walk through that fear without knowing for sure that God's hand was guiding me through it!  If I didn't have the clear guidance that I've been given time and time again in recent weeks, there is no way I'd have the courage to move forward - I can barely do it now!  Father, thank you so much for your understanding of my human weaknesses and your support in moving me past them!  Thank you so much for your clear guidance! It means the world to me.  

The words of the Psalmist come to mind, "Great peace have they which love thy law: and nothing shall offend them." (Psalms 119:165 KJV)  Or as the New Century Version puts it: "Those who love your teachings will find true peace, and nothing will defeat them."  I'm starting to experience and understand this for myself at a MUCH deeper level.  Elsewhere the Bible speaks of "the peace of God, which passeth all understanding" (Philippians 4:7 KJV), and that is what I'm feeling now.  How can I continually face such towering fear, and yet find peace?  It really does pass all human understanding!  "And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God's love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God's love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 8:38-39 - emphasis mine - Holy Bible, New Living Translation ®, copyright © 1996, 2004 by Tyndale Charitable Trust. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers. All rights reserved.)  Thank you, God!

Returning to the passage from Psalms 119, I find myself focusing on these words: "Turn to me and be gracious to me, as is your way with those who love your name. Keep steady my steps according to your promise, and let no iniquity get dominion over me."  For me, this is a gentle reminder that God is indeed watching over me.  He is gracious to me, will keep my steps steady, and will not let "iniquity" (including FEAR) get dominion over me.  Thank you, Father!

"Redeem me from man's oppression, that I may keep your precepts."   This reminds me that I don't want to be worrying about what others think about me - that just oppresses me and keeps my eyes on the troubles instead of on the God that is WAY bigger than the troubles.  As I keep my eyes on God He gives me the strength and courage to move forward on His path no matter what others think, say, or do.  Father, please make this so!  You know how easily I can forget to look at you and begin to worry about the stormy seas instead!  Please keep my mind on you so I can walk the sea with ease!  

"Make your face shine upon your servant, and teach me your statutes." What does it mean for God's face to shine on me?  To me that sounds like being given God's blessing in such a way that it is visible to all around me. Other translations say: "show your kindness to me", "look upon me with love", and "smile on me".  Over and over I've pondered the continued references in this chapter to how the Psalmist keeps God's commands, and yet continues to ask to be taught.  How can he say he keeps God's commandments if he's continually praying to be taught?  I think I'm beginning to understand because of what I've been going through the last few weeks.  I would put it this way: Father, thank you so much for your guidance in my life!  I can't imagine trying to travel this path without You lighting the way!  Please continue to guide me.  I've done what I've felt you guiding me to do - even if I WAS afraid - and I ask you to and know you WILL fulfill your promises of continued guidance.  I'm so grateful for your promise to keep me from falling!  Please continue to guide my steps as you have promised.  Thank you, Father!

"My eyes shed streams of tears, because people do not keep your law."  This last verse is probably the one that is hardest for me to relate to today. Certainly my eyes have streamed tears this morning, and perhaps it could be seen as being because I was afraid - which is NOT living by God's teachings of trust. So maybe I was these "people" today. But in reality, the tears have mostly been tears of gratitude that God doesn't give up on me just because I'm afraid, but instead gently takes my hand and leads me through it. 

My second challenge with this verse is that while I wish it weren't so, my mind has been so focused on myself and my challenges that I haven't given too much thought to how well other people are doing at seeking and following God's guidance.  And yet, I DO shed these sorts of tears at times when it comes to people I care deeply about - including my daughter.  Father, please fill me with your love - so full that not only is fear cast out, but that I can't help but care about all those around me as much as I care about myself!  You've repeatedly said that this is your second commandment.  May I learn to live it ever more fully.  Thank you, Father for your gentle guidance and for being so understanding.  Please remove my selfishness, replacing it with your love so that I can better serve you. Thank you, Father.  And as I move forward into my day, Father, please guide my steps that each one is on the path that you have set. In my words, thoughts, and actions today, may all be according to your will, Father!  Thank you!

No Need to Fear

At first glance, today's passage is challenging for me: 

"Don't leave me to the mercy of my enemies, for I have done what is just and right. Please guarantee a blessing for me. Don't let the arrogant oppress me! My eyes strain to see your rescue, to see the truth of your promise fulfilled. I am your servant; deal with me in unfailing love, and teach me your decrees. Give discernment to me, your servant; then I will understand your laws. Lord, it is time for you to act, for these evil people have violated your instructions. Truly, I love your commands more than gold, even the finest gold. Each of your commandments is right. That is why I hate every false way." (Psalms 119:121-128 - Holy Bible, New Living Translation ®, copyright © 1996, 2004 by Tyndale Charitable Trust. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers. All rights reserved.)

I don't really feel like I have enemies hounding me - and I certainly can't say I ALWAYS do what is just and right, though that is certainly my desire.  And yet, as I move forward, I know that part of my concern is that people with their own agendas might cause trouble for me or guide me in a wrong direction. While "enemies" seems a bit strong for describing these people, still the idea is similar.  Father, please don't let them "oppress" me or cause me to stumble on the path you have set for me! Please keep me safe in the shelter of your arms as you've promised!

I can really relate to some of it.  I pray for God's blessing, and I am very focused right now on trying to see the path ahead and to understand God's will as I move forward into these new endeavors. So, I understand about the eye-strain the Psalmist mentions. :-)  And, as the Psalmist did, I have to continually remind myself that God will continue to deal with me in unfailing love as he gently guides me forward despite the fear that periodically looms inside me.  And I, too, seek increased discernment that I may know and follow His will.  I also feel a sense of anticipation as God acts on my behalf, clearing the way before me. I KNOW his ways are best and I want to stay on the path He has set for me.

Father, I once again ask for your continued guidance in my life.  Please keep my feet on your path.  Please open and close doors as needed to keep me within your will.  Please replace my fear with your perfect love and keep me open to your guidance.  May I not shirk from moving forward because of fear, nor run ahead in excitement into places you would not have me go.  Please keep a watch on my mouth that I only say what you would have me say, but that I do not hold back from saying what should be said.  Thank you, Father!  Father, I specifically ask for words of wisdom from you to guide me this day. 

What comes to me are the words of the Psalmist "Thy words are a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path."  And I feel my Heavenly Father suggesting that I re-read the advice He gave me a couple of days ago when I looked at that passage.  As I do so, I am once again reminded of His promise:

"But I'll take the hand of those who don't know the way, who can't see where they're going.  I'll be a personal guide to them, directing them through unknown country. I'll be right there to show them what roads to take, make sure they don't fall into the ditch. These are the things I'll be doing for them —  sticking with them, not leaving them for a minute."  (Isaiah 42:16 - from THE MESSAGE: The Bible in Contemporary Language © 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson. All rights reserved.)

Father, thank you so much!  You are an amazing God, and I am so grateful to be led by your hand!  How would I ever live without you!  Thank you for the promise that you'll make sure I won't fall into a ditch and that you'll be there with me every minute, guiding me through this unknown country.  How can I fear in the face of such promises, Father?  Thank you! 

And again he speaks through a verse I've read recently, and I have to chuckle through my tears:

"I know thy works: behold, I have set before thee an open door, and no man can shut it: for thou hast a little strength, and hast kept my word, and hast not denied my name." (Revelation 3:8 KJV)

A "little" strength pretty well sums it up.  I'm not nearly as strong as I might wish, but my Father promises that's okay because His strength is made perfect in weakness! (II Cor 12:9)  And I have continued to keep His word before me, continually seeking His guidance. And I have NOT denied His name.  Not only am I writing this blog, but in a couple of e-mails I recently sent out I mentioned praying about my next steps - even when I wasn't sure how such an admission might be received.  So I see clearly that this promise is indeed meant for me.  He has set before me an open door and no one can shut it.  Thank you, Father! And thank you for taking me by the hand to give me courage as I step through that door you have opened for me!

I Wait for Your Word

"I hate the two-faced, but I love your clear-cut revelation. You're my place of quiet retreat; I wait for your Word to renew me. Get out of my life, evildoers, so I can keep my God's commands. Take my side as you promised; I'll live then for sure. Don't disappoint all my grand hopes. Stick with me and I'll be all right; I'll give total allegiance to your definitions of life. Expose all who drift away from your sayings; their casual idolatry is lethal. You reject earth's wicked as so much rubbish; therefore I lovingly embrace everything you say. I shiver in awe before you; your decisions leave me speechless with reverence." (Psalms 119:113-120 - from THE MESSAGE: The Bible in Contemporary Language © 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson. All rights reserved.)

I don't know if I would have understood this passage as well just a couple of days ago, but today I certainly understand at least part of it! I am needing to make decisions about how best to proceed toward a goal and am getting mixed signals from important people related to the decision. It is tempting to give in to discouragement and just quit, but I really feel God is calling me to do this in some way at this time. I just don't know the specific way to proceed given the mixed messages from those around me.  I long for and am searching this morning for God's clear-cut revelation!  I do NOT want to run ahead, nor do I want to lag behind.  I want to follow his lead, keeping time with his movements that we may dance gracefully together.  I can say in full confidence that I'm willing to do whatever He is leading me to do - I just need to be clear what that is!  So, this morning, Father, I indeed "wait for your Word to renew me". Please give me the clear guidance that I seek!  This morning, though I understand God's love for all and want to express that, I even understand the next sentence in this passage. "Get out of my life, evildoers, so I can keep my God's commands."  It's not that I hate those around me, but I need the clarity that is hard to get when I'm hearing mixed messages from those around me that have agendas of their own, so for that reason I want their influence removed so I can understand where to go from here.

As I re-read what I've written so far, I realize something else.  One of those "evildoers" is me - or rather, the fear rising within me.  It is getting in the way of hearing and obeying.  Father, please remove my fear as you have promised! Please fill me with your perfect love that I may fully trust you and let go of all fear.

As I read the sentence "Don't disappoint my grand hopes."  I realize that it is less a cry for help, and more a reminder to me that God can be trusted.  He is the foundation of my hope, so of course, my hopes will not be disappointed so long as I keep my eyes on Him! So long as He sticks with me, which He's promised to do, I do indeed know I'll be all right.  ("Lord, I believe, help though mine unbelief!" - Mark 9:24) My allegiance is indeed with Him and I know I want to follow His guidance.  Father, I DO ask that the agendas of those around me (and my own!) be exposed for what they are that I may more clearly see the correct path ahead.  I don't want to ignore guidance coming from those around me if YOU are using them as channels to speak to me, but I also don't want to by drawn away from the path YOU have set before me by voices that are not in alignment with YOUR will for me (whether mine or someone elses).  Father, please guide me!  You know how easy it is for me to allow fear to confuse me, or to stride forward thinking it is your way when it is not!  Please guide me! Keep my feet on your path for me and light my way as you have promised!

Before turning to today's passage in Psalms, the verses below had popped at me, so I copied them here to meditate on after I had read today's passage from Psalms 119.  At the time, I had not really had a sense of why these verses stood out to me.  I hadn't seen any particular relevance to the decisions I need to make today, but suddenly these verses seem very relevant indeed!

"Forget what happened in the past, and do not dwell on events from long ago.  I am going to do something new. It is already happening. Don't you recognize it? I will clear a way in the desert. I will make rivers on dry land." (Isaiah 43:18-19 - from GOD'S WORD Copyright © 1995 by God's Word to the Nations Bible Society. All rights reserved.)

I think these words may be God guiding me to ignore the negative voices that say that what I'm proposing won't work because it hasn't worked in the past.  Is that your meaning, Father?  Please direct my thoughts.  I don't want to misunderstand you!  Some of those events weren't so VERY long ago!  I have been told that there is just not support and willingness to come that far.  But, these verses speak of clearing a way in the desert and making rivers on dry land - suggesting to me that though the necessary people haven't been apparent, they will be there.  Is this your message to me, Father?  "It is already happening.  Don't you recognize it?" really stands out to me.  Father, I'm not sure I do recognize it!  If it's there, why am I not seeing it? What am I missing, Father!  Certainly, I would not be entertaining these ideas if someone hadn't suggested it, and I wouldn't have as clear an idea of how to proceed if I hadn't gotten some guidance from someone else.  Is that what you mean? With all the mixed messages I'm not as sure as I would like to be!  

I suddenly see something else in these verses.  Part of my fear about moving forward is based in fear of the politics involved.  I've had some very bad experiences with politics in the past - two in particular stand in my memory and make me fearful. And the mixed messages raise the red flag of the possibility of difficult politics to deal with. I REALLY don't want to go through anything like that again!  Father, it strikes me that perhaps this is also what you are speaking of through these words about things that happened long ago and how you're doing a new thing.  Please keep my mind stayed on you (Is 26:3) so that I can indeed forget about what happened in the past and focus on the new thing that you are creating for and through me now!  Thank you, Father!

As I continue to think about this, I realize something else.  If it weren't for the confusion, I might not have taken this time this morning to double-check these plans with my Heavenly Father.  Certainly I've been asking for His guidance all along, but until the mixed signals, I did not have my feet as firmly planted on solid ground as I will because of this morning's deep and heart-felt seeking.  Is that the reason for all this, Father?  I can see that it will be really important to be VERY clear about your guidance before moving forward.  This will make it easier to weather the inevitable challenges along the way.  It helps ensure I am in proper dance position with you so that I clearly understand Your lead into the next move!

Father, once again I humbly ask you to confirm your will for me in this.  I worry that I am misunderstanding you or that it is my own desire clouding the issue.  And yet, it wasn't until I was very clear that I was willing to do whatever you directed and that I really wasn't sure that I wanted to push forward in this that the passage spoke to me in this way.  Because of this, my inclination is to believe that I heard you correctly.  Father please stop these plans clearly and easily if this is not your will.  I realize as I once again think about the passage in James "But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering" (James 1:6), that part of my problem is that I haven't trusted you fully.  I know I want to follow your guidance, but have not had the faith that you will close the doors to ensure I do not move out of your will.  I ask you to do so, Father.  Please close any doors that you do not wish me to walk through at this time!  And yet I hear your voice from Revelation "Behold I have set before you an open door."(Rev. 3:8)  Father, I ask that you confirm your direction by speaking to my husband as well since this is a joint decision.  Thank you, Father! And Father, please remove my fear! I've seen you do it before, so I know you can do so.  I know you can give me peace that passes all understanding and I ask for that peace now!  Thank you, Father!

Guidance

"By your words I can see where I'm going; they throw a beam of light on my dark path. I've committed myself and I'll never turn back from living by your righteous order. Everything's falling apart on me, God; put me together again with your Word. Festoon me with your finest sayings, God; teach me your holy rules.  My life is as close as my own hands, but I don't forget what you have revealed.  The wicked do their best to throw me off track, but I don't swerve an inch from your course.  I inherited your book on living; it's mine forever — what a gift! And how happy it makes me!  I concentrate on doing exactly what you say — I always have and always will." (Psalms 119:105-112 - from THE MESSAGE: The Bible in Contemporary Language © 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson. All rights reserved.)

God's guidance is so amazing!  He leads me into paths that I "knew not", or as the Message Bible puts it:

"But I'll take the hand of those who don't know the way, who can't see where they're going.  I'll be a personal guide to them, directing them through unknown country. I'll be right there to show them what roads to take, make sure they don't fall into the ditch. These are the things I'll be doing for them —  sticking with them, not leaving them for a minute."  (Isaiah 42:16 - from THE MESSAGE: The Bible in Contemporary Language © 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson. All rights reserved.)

What a promise!  I am SO grateful for his guidance!  He is leading me into things I wouldn't have expected to be doing at this point in my life, and I could be terrified, but He is indeed a "light unto my path" and continues to not only give me guidance, but also strength and courage when the road ahead looks frightening.  Father, how can I ever thank you?  Please continue to guide my way as you have promised - opening and closing doors as you see fit so that my path remains clear.  Please continue to uphold me and give me courage as I step forward.  And thank you for reminding me of another promise:

"Don't panic. I'm with you. There's no need to fear for I'm your God. I'll give you strength. I'll help you. I'll hold you steady, keep a firm grip on you.  "Count on it: Everyone who had it in for you will end up out in the cold —  real losers. Those who worked against you will end up empty-handed —  nothing to show for their lives.  When you go out looking for your old adversaries you won't find them —  Not a trace of your old enemies, not even a memory.  That's right. Because I, your God, have a firm grip on you and I'm not letting go. I'm telling you, 'Don't panic. I'm right here to help you.'"  (Isaiah 41:10-13 - from THE MESSAGE: The Bible in Contemporary Language © 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson. All rights reserved.) 

Thank you, Father!  You know my insecurities and my fears.  Please keep my eyes on you so I will not start to sink beneath it all like Peter when he walked the waves.  Father, I want to promise with the Psalmist that I will always follow your guidance, but I know my human weaknesses.  Please keep me close to you at all times. I know it is not something I can do on my own, but as Jude reminds me, you are able to keep me from falling (Jude 24-25).  Thank you, Father!  

Father, you know my concerns about time to get everything done, but I've seen that you know what I need to be doing at any given time to handle whatever is ahead - whether it's something I can see or not.  Please keep me focused on the important things!

Thank You!

Father, I am so grateful this morning for your guidance in my life!  Knowing that I need to be patient through this "false labor" and just wait for the birth when the time is right, has made things so much easier for me! 

Oh, how I love your instructions! I think about them all day long. Your commands make me wiser than my enemies, for they are my constant guide. Yes, I have more insight than my teachers, for I am always thinking of your laws. I am even wiser than my elders, for I have kept your commandments. I have refused to walk on any evil path, so that I may remain obedient to your word. I haven't turned away from your regulations, for you have taught me well. How sweet your words taste to me; they are sweeter than honey. Your commandments give me understanding; no wonder I hate every false way of life. (Psalms 119:97-104 - Holy Bible, New Living Translation ®, copyright © 1996, 2004 by Tyndale Charitable Trust. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers. All rights reserved.)

So, once again, Father, I come seeking your guidance.  I don't want to run ahead, but I don't want to lag behind either!  What should I say and do? What should I NOT say and do?  I need your wise counsel!  Please guide my thoughts and actions.  

I think of Jacob's words to the one he struggled with through the night - "I will not let you go unless you bless me" (Gen. 32:26).  I have often thought of these words as a reminder to keep seeking God until I get the guidance I seek.  It strikes me today that Jacob really DID come full circle.  He had to leave home because he was so concerned about getting a blessing -- but the blessing he sought then was a human and material one. Here Jacob has grown up enough to know that the blessings he needs to seek are the spiritual ones.  A couple more things stand out to me in this story.  

First, Jacob wrestled all night and finally had to be hurt in order to wake up to the fact of who he was wrestling with. How many times have I done that?  Just recently, in fact, I spent time railing against a change in my plans, thinking I was for some reason being thwarted, instead of recognizing God's hand in things!  I too was hurt - not physically, but emotionally - before remembering that I could trust God and that all was well!  Father, may I learn to always recognize YOU!  May I be patient enough to wait on you.  Father, how do I know when to wait and when to act?  When trying to accomplish something, it is in my nature to take action -- yet it is also in my nature to hang back because of fear and wait to act, not seizing the moment.  How do I know whether it is a time to press forward or a time to wait? 

I am reminded of King Solomon's words:

"There's an opportune time to do things, a right time for everything on the earth: A right time for birth and another for death, A right time to plant and another to reap, A right time to kill and another to heal, A right time to destroy and another to construct, A right time to cry and another to laugh, A right time to lament and another to cheer, A right time to make love and another to abstain, A right time to embrace and another to part, A right time to search and another to count your losses, A right time to hold on and another to let go, A right time to rip out and another to mend, A right time to shut up and another to speak up, A right time to love and another to hate, A right time to wage war and another to make peace. 

But in the end, does it really make a difference what anyone does? I've had a good look at what God has given us to do — busywork, mostly. True, God made everything beautiful in itself and in its time — but he's left us in the dark, so we can never know what God is up to, whether he's coming or going. I've decided that there's nothing better to do than go ahead and have a good time and get the most we can out of life. That's it — eat, drink, and make the most of your job. It's God's gift. I've also concluded that whatever God does, that's the way it's going to be, always. No addition, no subtraction. God's done it and that's it. That's so we'll quit asking questions and simply worship in holy fear. Whatever was, is. Whatever will be, is. That's how it always is with God." (Ecclesiastes 3:1-15 - from THE MESSAGE: The Bible in Contemporary Language © 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson. All rights reserved.)

Certainly, this is my time for birth - not death, that seems quite plain.  As I read through these verses, I get the sense that I'm being told that I need to step forward as I see to do - and trust that God will move things forward or not as He sees fit.  That God WILL see that His will is done. That I need to simply nudge at the doors and see what opens.  Father, please guide me.  Give me the right words and the right time and place!  Thank you, Father, for these promises!

This leads me to the second thing that strikes me from this story about Jacob.  I've always heard the story as "Jacob wrestling with the angel", but the Bible clearly states that Jacob believed He had seen God face to face. I'm really not sure why that makes such an impact on me.  I guess it is because it is one more indication that God cares enough to get personally involved. Father, I am so grateful for your leading!  May I stay within your will, Father.  Thank you that I can trust that your will will indeed be done in earth as it is in heaven!  It seems to me that I am to speak up this evening and nudge the door.  If I am correctly reading this, please guide me to the right time and give me the right words.  Thank you, Father!

No Matter What

Today I am once again dealing with a change in what I thought were my plans.  It's so easy to get frustrated at a time like this and ask "Why?  Why did I put so much time into preparing for something only to have things change?  I have plenty of other things I could have done instead!"  And yet I am reminded this morning that I am to give thanks in ALL things. To do otherwise is to cease to trust in God's plan for me!

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 says: "Be cheerful no matter what; pray all the time; thank God no matter what happens. This is the way God wants you who belong to Christ Jesus to live." (from THE MESSAGE: The Bible in Contemporary Language © 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson. All rights reserved.)  

And I once again am drawn to the words of Romans 8:26-28: "Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans.  He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God.  That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good. (from THE MESSAGE: The Bible in Contemporary Language © 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson. All rights reserved.)  

I've never before read these words from this version of the Bible and this morning they really strike a cord.  I AM tired of the wating.  I AM "pregnant" - preparing to birth a new career as it were.  This is the second time that it looked like I'd be given the opportunity to step more fully into it, only to have the door closed after I had done most of the preparation.  God indeed knows my "pregnant condition" far better than I do.  While this "false labor" is frustrating, I DON'T want this baby birthed before its time! I am SO grateful for the promise that God's Spirit is right alongside helping me and that even if I don't know how or what to pray He does it in and for me. And I am SO grateful that I can know and trust that as I continue to focus on my love for my Heavenly Father and His guidance in my life, EVERY detail of my life is worked into something good. Thank you Father, for these promises this morning! Father, forgive me for my frustration and for forgetting that this is YOUR baby - not mine.  May YOUR will be done and may I be an open channel for your will.  Thank you that you understand my frustration at this "false labor" and yet are willing hold things back until the time is right!!!!  Thank you, Father, for your love for me.  Thank you so much for your guidance in my life!

I am caught by the visual of "false labor".  It seems VERY appropriate here!  I went searching on the web to see what I could learn about the reason for Braxon-Hicks contractions and found these musings by a mother who had been through it - possible reasons for what she refuses to call "false" labor.  They might:

• Make you learn to focus through them.
• Encourage you to practice breathing deeply and purposefully.
• Inspire you to get walking in order to trigger real labor.
• Help you practice ignoring minor pain.
• Tone your uterus and other wise help prepare for birth.
• Help rotate your baby into a more optimal position for birth.

I think of the promise that God's word does not return to him void, but accomplishes what he pleases (Isaiah 55:11).  And I am convinced that there IS a reason for everything.  I may not know what it is, but that doesn't mean that it doesn't exist.  I choose to trust God - and am grateful that He exists and cares so much for me.

As I continue with my reading this morning, I return to the next section of Psalms 119:

"What you say goes, God, and stays, as permanent as the heavens. Your truth never goes out of fashion; it's as up-to-date as the earth when the sun comes up. Your Word and truth are dependable as ever; that's what you ordered — you set the earth going. If your revelation hadn't delighted me so, I would have given up when the hard times came. But I'll never forget the advice you gave me; you saved my life with those wise words. Save me! I'm all yours. I look high and low for your words of wisdom. The wicked lie in ambush to destroy me, but I'm only concerned with your plans for me. I see the limits to everything human, but the horizons can't contain your commands!" (Psalms 119:89-96 - from THE MESSAGE: The Bible in Contemporary Language © 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson. All rights reserved.)

These feel in some ways like my own words.  I am SO grateful that God is in charge, and that He reminds me of those things I need to remember. Father, as I read about the "wicked" who "lie in ambush to destroy me", I see beyond those humans "out there" that would like to see me stumble.  I see my own human self in those words.  It is easy for that humanness to ambush me and cause me to lash out when I don't feel others are treating me right - and I know doing so would seriously undermine me.  Thank you for keeping me from doing so last night! You did indeed save me with your wise words! May my words be understood in the spirit in which they were/are meant.  And, in truth, may ALL of me mean them in that spirit - a spirit of love and understanding - loving my neighbor as myself.  Father, please keep me from impatience.  It's so easy to try to peer ahead, trying to see what's around the corner.  I realize a big part of that is that I want to be prepared for it.  May I remember that I can trust you to prepare me for what lies ahead - that you see the way far more clearly than I ever could and that you love me.  Father, I think again of the words of Paul in his 2nd letter to Timothy: 

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline." (2 Timothy 1:7 - Holy Bible, New Living Translation ®, copyright © 1996, 2004 by Tyndale Charitable Trust. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers. All rights reserved.)

I think of Timothy and what he faced.  He too was younger than many of those he worked with and had to be reminded by Paul to not let anyone despise him for his youth (1 Tim 4:12).  I realize this is part of what I, too, am dealing with - only it's not just other people that may try to despise me for my "youth" in this field, but my own self as well!  Father, I once again ask that you bring your perfect love to bear so that my fear is fully cast out!  May I hold myself in your power, your love, and the self-discipline that YOU give, this day - and every day!  Thank you, Father, so much for your love and protection!  I love you, Father.  Please keep me in your will and on your path!  Amen.