Courage

For the last couple of days I have been battling fear and discouragement.  I messed up recently in a public way and it's been really hard to remain enthusiastic about my new endeavors because of it.  It's not only embarrassing, but that negative voice in my mind starts telling me, "See, you can't do it.  Who do you think you are? Why are you putting yourself through this?"  It can be SO hard to ignore that voice sometimes!  This has been a real matter of prayer as I've struggled with my feelings.  

This morning I awoke with a quote in my mind.  It's one I found one day as I was working on my paper crafting and it says, "Courage doesn't always ROAR. . . . Sometimes it is the quite voice at the end of the day saying 'I will try again tomorrow'". (Mary Anne Rodmacher)  I feel so grateful.  God knows how fragile my ego is right now and how difficult it is for me to keep putting myself out there, and has given me words of encouragement through this quote.  So often I think of courage as facing something big, but I think perhaps it is harder - and more important - to develop that courage that simply says in the midst of discouragment, "I will try again tomorrow." And that is what I am being called to do today.

God continues to encourage me this morning through a verse in Deuteronomy:

"Be strong and courageous. Don't tremble! Don't be afraid of them! The Lord your God is the one who is going with you. He won't abandon you or leave you." (Deuteronomy 31:6 - from GOD'S WORD Copyright © 1995 by God's Word to the Nations Bible Society. All rights reserved.)

I KNOW that for whatever reason, this is the work He has called me to do at this time.  This verse reminds me of that and that He won't abandon me.  Yet it is SO hard to let go of my fears!  I rely once again on the promise that God's perfect love casts out fear (1 John 4:18) and I seek to be filled with that love so there is no room left for fear. Please, Father, fill me with your love!

I am reminded once again that He that hath begun a good work in me will see it to completion (Phil 1:6), and of the importance of perseverance: 

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith . . ." (Hebrews 12:1-2 NIV)

Today, one of those sins that so easily entangles me is perfectionism.  When I give it space in my thoughts, I find myself too easily discouraged and wanting to give up - and it keeps me thinking about myself instead of keeping my eyes on Jesus where they belong!  I am once again directed to the words in James:

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does."  (James1:2-8) NIV

Or as the The Message Bible puts it:

"Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way. If you don't know what you're doing, pray to the Father. He loves to help. You'll get his help, and won't be condescended to when you ask for it. Ask boldly, believingly, without a second thought. People who "worry their prayers" are like wind-whipped waves. Don't think you're going to get anything from the Master that way, adrift at sea, keeping all your options open. (from THE MESSAGE: The Bible in Contemporary Language © 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson. All rights reserved.)

So, Father, this morning I thank you for your many gifts - including the opportunity to learn perseverance as I face my embarassment that I couldn't be perfect the other night.  I didn't realize  how little it can take to make me want to give up sometimes!  I am embarrassed as I see that. This experience has indeed forced my faith-life into the open and it clearly is still closer to that mustard-seed size than the healthy tree that it is meant to grow into.  Thank you for this opportunity, Father, to grow my faith.  Father, too many times I really don't know what I'm doing.  I once again thank you for the guidance and support you have sent my way and that I know you will continue to send.  May I be freed from my worry and fully open to your leading in my life!  Thank you for the promise that as I let perseverence do it's work, I will become "mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way!" Thank you, Father!  And now, as I move forward into my day I ask for your courage and strength to vanquish these demons of fear and insecurity and to do with all my might the task that you have set before me this day.  Thank you, Father!  I thank you for your many gifts and especially right now for each bit of encouragement and strength you have sent my way.  I love you, Father.