What fast?

I seem to continually be directed to Isaiah chapter 58.  It feels like I am just scratching the surface in understanding this passage, but the promises contained here are SO wonderful that I have to keep seeking to understand what my part in claiming these promises is.

The Promises:

• "Then shall your light break forth like the morning" (v 8)- when I think of darkness I think of depression, sorrow and confusion - this sounds like freedom from these things.
• "and your healing shall spring forth speedily" (v8)- I need healing on so many levels!  On the physical plane there are things related to my body that need to be healed (like excess weight and decreased immunity), and there are things related to my surroundings that need to be healed (like clutter to be dealt with). On the emotional plane, there is a broken heart to heal and a need for increased capacity for forgiveness and love.  On the mental plane I need healing from negative thinking. And on the spiritual plane I need much healing - selfishness and self-will too often rear their ugly heads in my life.
• "your righteousness (your rightness, your justice, and your right relationship with God) shall go before you," (v8) - Oh, to consistently live in righteousness - in right relationship with God, living right actions!
• "the glory of the Lord shall be your rear guard" (v8) - I'll admit I still don't really understand this part, except that the thought of God protecting me from sneak attacks from behind is very appealing.
• "Then shall you call, and the Lord will answer; you shall cry, and He will say, Here I am." (v9) - Wow! That is what I am seeking. I want to clearly hear and understand God's answers when I seek His guidance!
• "then shall your light rise in darkness, and your obscurity and gloom become like the noonday" (v10) - This again sounds like freedom from depression, sorrow, and confusion.  That is TRUE freedom!
• "And the Lord shall guide you continually" (v11) - This is my desire.  To ALWAYS see God's guidance in my life.
• "and satisfy you in drought and in dry places" (v11) - I sometimes feel like I'm in a spiritual drought.  This is such a great promise for those times!
• "and make strong your bones" (v11) - This sounds like a great promise on TWO levels.  First, the physical - I have experienced a fractured bone in my foot and want to know that my bones are strong and will not fracture again!  Secondly, I think of "backbone".  Figuratively, making my backbone strong would be to strengthen my resolve and ability to withstand pressure when it comes to issues of a spiritual, mental, and/or emotional nature.  This, too, would be a very great blessing.
• "And you shall be like a watered garden and like a spring of water whose waters fail not."  (v11) - There's a song that comes to mind that says, "Let the beauty of Jesus be seen in me".  I want to be so filled with God's love that that beauty is indeed seen in me. To me this promise speaks of ALWAYS being nourished spiritually - of never being spiritually thirsty, but abundantly nourished!  How I want that experience - not just sometimes, but ALWAYS.
• "And your ancient ruins shall be rebuilt" (v12) - This is clearly another promise, though I'm not sure I really understand it yet.  It suggests to me that if there are places in my life where I feel good things have been ruined, torn down, and/or broken, they will be rebuilt.  One of the places I long to see this is in my relationship with my daughter.  At times I see pieces of this occurring, but I want to see it completely rebuilt.
• "you shall raise up the foundations of many generations" (v12) - While I'm not yet seeing specific application of this in my life, it suggests to me that places where "the sins of the fathers" have been visited for generations, there can be restoration and healing. Perhaps one of these places is the tendency to overeat.  Looking back in my family history, I see that my challenges with gluttony have not arisen in isolation.  I can trace them back several generations.  If this is one of those foundations that will be restored, this is a wonderful promise indeed!
• "and you shall be called Repairer of the Breach, Restorer of Streets to Dwell in" (v12) - I really want the breach between my daughter and me to be healed, and if I could be the one to work those repairs that would be wonderful!  Even more importantly is repairing the breach between our Heavenly Father and His sons and daughters (which is, of course, the only lasting way to repair any other breaches). This truly is work I want to do!
• "Then will you delight yourself in the Lord," (v14) - Sounds like that completely repaired breach to me!
• "and I will make you to ride on the high places of the earth" (v14) - Hmmm, not so sure about this one.  While I would like an increase in my ability to see (which this perspective would certainly bring), I don't relish the way I would be more visible to others.  This is, in fact, one of my stumbling blocks and why I at times rebel against God's will.  He wants me to be that city that is set on a hill, while I'd too often prefer to hide under a bushel.  I've seen how often increased visibility on my part simply means more people can see me to attack me.  Father, please remove my fear, and work in me both to will and to do of your good pleasure! I KNOW that regardless of any fears I might have, your way will bring me the greatest happiness if I will just relax and let you lead!
• "and I will feed you with the heritage of Jacob your father" (v 14) - this is clearly another promise, though once again I'm not sure I fully realize the implications.  I DO know that God clearly guided Jacob in his life, and I seek that guidance in my own. 

The promises I've outlined here are SO important for my life! I keep being directed back to this chapter for information about how to ready myself that I might receive them in my life.

One of the things I keep seeing is the importance of letting go of the outer trappings of living a good life and letting God change me at depth.  So often I hear myself figuratively saying, "Why have I fasted and you do not see it?" (v 3).  I do specific things (my form of "fasting") thinking they will somehow bring me the healing I seek, and I find myself still stuck in patterns that keep me in bondage.  What is wrong?

Patiently, God reminds me yet again, "on the day of your fast you find profit in your business"   What is my motivation????  If I am taking actions to make myself look good in others eyes (or in God's - how foolish!), if my actions are motivated from thoughts of self rather than rooted in love and in God's will, those actions will not bring me into the place where I can accept the blessings promised. This chapter reminds me that I need to be thinking of and sharing with others (both materially and spiritually) and I need to keep my focus on living for God's pleasure rather than my own. 

Father, please continue to work in me both to will and to do of your good pleasure.  Thank you, God!