What's Fear Got To Do With It?

Continuing my study of the happiness prescriptions in Matthew 5, I came to verses 10-12.  Though I hate to admit it, these verses have always scared me, and I reverted right back to reading them in the way I always have.  "You SHOULD be happy when . . . " rather than "these things will bring you happiness".  Note that the verses don't say Blessed (happy) should you be, or Blessed (happy) will you be some time in the future, they say "Blessed (happy) ARE you" (emphasis mine).  This suggests to me that if I am not happy in these circumstances, something is wrong and I need to find out what it is.

I know I've too often seen people who seem to seek out persecution - behaving in obnoxious ways which invite persecution - and then cling to these verses as their solace in their unhappiness. Clearly they are not experiencing the happiness spoken of here! But these verses are very specific about where the persecution comes from - from right-doing and from people leveling false accusations because of association with Jesus - not from going out of ones way to invite persecution (whether or not one realizes that one is doing so).

For myself, I tend to go the opposite way.  When I read these verses, I suddenly find myself afraid - afraid of doing what is right or of association with Jesus for fear of persecution.  I hate to admit to it, but there it is. Fear raising it's ugly head in my heart.  I am reminded of the verse in I John (4:18) where God promises that perfect love casts out fear.  I like the way the Amplified Bible puts it, "There is no fear in love, but full-grown love turns fear out of doors and expels every trace of terror! For fear brings with it the thought of punishment, and he who is afraid has not reached the full maturity of love."  Clearly, I am in need of not only the clean heart I keep asking for (Ps 51:10), but a maturing of God's love in my heart that fear may be completely cast out.

There is so much in this one verse in I John!  I can easily see that I live with too many fears. There's the fear of persecution that brought me to this verse, but it wasn't that long ago that I was writing about fear of being hurt if I fully open my heart to people who have hurt me in the past but have seemingly changed.  As I was praying, asking that I continue to mature in love and that fear no longer have a place in my life, a thought came to me.

I have a perfect opportunity to practice allowing love to mature and cast out fear! It is coming up this weekend.  It isn't all that big a deal, but it certainly is something I've been approaching with a bit of fear.  My husband and I are scheduled to be part of a dance showcase at a state-wide festival, and I have been afraid that we'll mess up and make fools of ourselves.  The thought came, "What if I shift my focus from avoiding looking like a fool, to the enjoyment of those watching?  I've been one of those in the bleachers many times, and I know from those experiences how much those on the bleachers are rooting for the showcase dancers.  A glaring mistake makes them uncomfortable as they feel bad for the performer.  So, what if I shift my desire to do well, away from my own pride, to wanting THEIR experience to be the best it can be?

I'm reminded of the time I watched a very special couple perform a gorgeous quickstep.  I've never been so moved by a dance before. It literally brought tears to my eyes!  What if we, as a group (this dance will be performed as a group of several couples), could be that for those that are watching?

As I shift the focus of my thinking, I realize that if I mess up, I will react very differently if I am dancing through love, rather than fighting fear.  My thought will be for the watching crowd and wanting to put them at ease rather than on my own hurt pride! I will be able to laugh at my mistake (which may help them feel better about their own mistakes) rather than dwelling on the mistake and letting it embarrass me and take away the joy of the dance.

Now, I hope that I don't mess up.  I would much prefer to be an inspiration like that couple that brought tears to my eyes. But I can clearly see the difference my focus of attention can make in the way I feel about things.  So, Father, I ask that this experience be one where I experience the ability of love to cast out fear - in a very tangible way.  To be able to walk out on that floor without an iota of fear or nervousness, to be filled with love for the audience and want to inspire them to the best of my ability - to dance from this perspective would indeed be a miracle, Father, and one that I ask for as a part of maturing my love to the point where fear is totally cast out from my life.  Thank you, Father!

Suddenly, I am reminded of a pastor who is currently experiencing the truths of Matt 5:10-12, and my petty fears pale in comparison.  He is currently in prison for his relationship with Jesus.  I believe today is the day he is scheduled for trial - one that many believe will be a farce and result in a death sentence unless a miracle occurs.  I read about some of the things he's written to his family while being in prison. While admitting to fear, he's also expressed great joy and trust.  As I read his words, I couldn't help but think of this passage in Matthew, and of Paul's reaction to his own imprisonment. So, Father, as I pray for this man and his family, that you will be with them in a special way and that your will will be done in this situation, I also thank you for him with JOY in his steadfastness, hope, and faith (as you taught me to do in Phil 1:3-4). Clearly he is experiencing some of that happiness you mentioned here in Matthew.  I ask that today, in a special way, he and his family experience the depths of the happiness you speak of in these verses (Matt 5:10-12), as your will is done with regard to his situation.  Give them strength and courage as they walk through this valley of the shadow of death.  And if it be your will, may he soon be set free to return to his home and family and to serve as a living example of your love. Thank you, Father!

And I ask that you fill me with your love. Though what I am facing feels pretty insignificant compared to what this man and his family face, I know you are with me as well.  May your love so fill me that my mind is completely taken off myself as I dance this weekend, and put where it belongs. May I be so filled with love for those around me - my fellow performers and the audience - that there is no room for any bit of fear. And may the joy of our dance serve as an inspiration. Thank you, Father!

Update - What an amazing God!  I have always been a very nervous performer, and was pretty nervous at our last practice. But when we walked out facing the audience to begin our dance, I DID NOT HAVE ONE SPECK OF FEAR!!!!  What an amazing experience!  I am so grateful for this baby step in learning to let go of fear.  Father, you have shown me over and over again that you can lift me up and replace fear with joy. May I remember these lessons and continue to walk with ever maturing love that all fear may be cast out of my life!  Thank you, Father!