Motivations

I was reading some more in the first chapter of Philippians and came across something that stood out to me.  Paul is talking about his imprisonment and belief that it serves only to advance the spreading of the Good News. He tells the Philippians that his imprisonment has actually served to embolden others to speak and publish God's Word fearlessly.  Then he says something which surprised me.  In verse 15 he said that some of these who had been embolden to share God's Word were actually doing so out of envy and rivalry.  That seems odd.  The indication was not that they were preaching falsehoods - which I could understand out of a rival - but that they were speaking truth.  How would his imprisonment increase their boldness if they were motivated by envy and rivalry?  Were they really wanting to be imprisoned too? That seems pretty odd.

Reading farther, I got at least a partial answer to my question. Paul says in verse 17 that these rivals believed that their increased preaching would make Paul's bondage more bitter and his chains more galling.  That certainly is poor motivation for sharing the gospel!  In verse 18, he makes it more plain - "whether in pretense [for personal ends] or in all honesty [for the furtherance of the Truth]". So, perhaps this was some kind of power trip for these rivals - that they get more converts than Paul or something.  Well, it's an interesting story, but doesn't really matter unless I apply it to my own life.

So, where do I do this?  Where do I do the right thing for the wrong reasons?  Where am I motivated by personal ends rather than furtherance of the Truth?  I realize that one place I do this is with regard to my eating.  I wish my desire to eat in a healthy way was entirely motivated by a desire to put God first in my life and live in alignment with his will so that my life could be an example of God's power to free us from the bondage of appetite. Unfortunately, this is not the case. Far too often my motivation is for personal ends - I want to look good (which could have rivalry aspects), and I want to feel good and have a healthier body, and I want to be able to dance well (which could also have some rivalry aspects).  Only partially am I motivated by the knowledge that I don't want to make a god out of my eating, but want to put God first in my life.

The temptation to make poor food choices tries to convince me that I shouldn't bother until my motivation is pure!  But I take Paul's words in verse 18 to heart - "what does it matter, so long as either way . . . Christ is being proclaimed?"  I don't think he really means to imply that motivation doesn't matter.  But perhaps that if I do the right thing, despite mixed motivation, the right motivation will follow? I know that even when my motivations aren't pure, eating correctly increases my clarity and understanding. The better clarity I have, the more my continued pursuit of God's will is likely to purify my motivations.

So, for today, I thank God for the miracles he's performed in my life - the scales were down 5 pounds this morning! and relationships continue to be healed - thank you, God!  I thank Him for my daily bread - the encouragement that I don't have to have perfect motivations for good to come of my actions, and the reminder from verse 6 that "He who began a good work in you will continue until the day of Jesus Christ, developing and perfecting and bringing it to full completion in you". Father, thank you so much for your encouragement and your love and your continued work in my life to purify me and create in me that clean heart and right spirit (Ps 51:10) that I so desire. Thank you, Father!