Today I've been reading in the first chapter of I John. Verses 5 and 6 really stood out to me, "... God is Light, and there is no darkness in Him at all. So if we say we are partakers together and enjoy fellowship with Him when we live and move and are walking about in darkness, we are speaking falsely and do not live and practice the Truth."
What does this passage mean as it talks about light and darkness? While there are likely many possibilities, what first comes to mind when I hear about walking in darkness is depression - I've been there and that's what it feels like. But it seems pretty harsh to say that a depressed person does not really enjoy fellowship with God - and that if he says he does he doesn't live and practice the Truth! I know what it feels like to suffer serious depression. Many years ago I experienced this. I was crying out to God and came VERY close to committing suicide. I know it was only through a miracle from God that I came out of it unscathed. And yet, I don't think I could really say I was enjoying fellowship with Him at the time. I wanted to, and was earnestly seeking Him, but it does seem like one could not really be aware of being in the presence of the Light of the World and remain depressed!
Now please don't misunderstand me! It would be easy to take this idea and use it to condemn anyone who is depressed - including ourselves if that's where we are - and say it's because they (or we) don't know God or something. I think this would be VERY wrong. We are told not to judge for a reason (Matt. 7:1). When I was so depressed years ago, while I clearly wasn't consciously enjoying fellowship with God, I was earnestly seeking Him and I believe He had drawn very close. Though I wasn't at the time "enjoying" fellowship with Him (as I wasn't ENJOYING ANYTHING at the time), unbeknownst to me I was very close to experiencing this miracle as God drew me closer to Him.
However, for today, most of the time, I do enjoy fellowship with Him. In those times when I don't, I think these verses serve as a wake-up call that something is WRONG and I need to actively seek God's presence asking, "what Truths do I need to live and practice more fully?" This is important to me today as I had a challenge of this sort just yesterday! Looking back, I see that at least by afternoon, I was starting to feel out of sorts - not seriously depressed, but certainly in a bit of a funk. That led to a poor choice when it came to food that evening. Perhaps that could have been avoided if I'd recognized that something was wrong earlier in the day, and sought God's guidance.
I still don't really know what caused my experience yesterday, but I suspect there was residual fear that I hadn't worked through. Perhaps when I start feeling out of sorts, instead of just trying to fight the feelings, I could be more conscious that something is wrong, that I'm not feeling the light of God's presence as I usually do. If I did this, if I immediately paused and sought God's guidance, perhaps I would have seen that darkness chased away by God's light and wouldn't end up making poor choices like I did with food last night.
Father, I ask this day for my daily bread in a special way - that I come to a clear understanding of what I need to know from these verses for today. What Truths do I need to live and practice more fully today? I thank you for the Light of Your Presence in my life. May I walk in that light this day! Thank you, Father!
2 comments:
My daughter, Kendra, has shared with me that God is even closer to us in the darkness than at other times in our lives. She takes that idea from the story of Christ on the Cross. When he cried out, "My God, My God, why have you forsaken me," all he could FEEL was total darkness, yet God was there, helping him get through that moment.
I think you may be mistaken in your evaluation that you were not "enjoying fellowship with Him at that time." You were "crying out to Him," and He was listening. He was there, helping you get through that moment of darkness in your life. As you said, you were very close to experiencing a miracle!
When Christ took upon himself the sins of the world, it was HIS darkest hour. But His Father never left him, and he wants us to know that he, also, will NEVER leave US! Our dark moments in life are apparently meant to teach us something profound, to bring us into greater light and fellowship with God, and this blog has taught ME something profound as well.
God is trying to get that point across to us. Our dark moments do not mean we have lost him!!! He is there all the time, working in our lives to bring us back into the light!
Thank you so much for sharing. I also went through a "suicide" time in my life. I wonder how many people out there have not.
I agree that these dark nights of the soul may well be when God is closest to us, and I appreciate your clarifying that. I believe that God is there in ALL things. When I said I wasn't enjoying fellowship with Him, I did not mean to imply that He wasn't there - simply that I wasn't feeling the joy of his fellowship - a problem with my senses, not God's presence!
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This blog is simply a sharing of my "daily bread" - my daily walk with God. If something I've said has touched your heart, or sparked a new thought, I'd love to hear from you.