A Little Sleep

This post will be rather long, but I figure I haven't posted for several days, so I'll make up for it today. :)  For the last several days, I've been living a rather unusual experience with regard to sleep.  I usually try to get 7 to 8 hours of sleep a night, believing that to be the best thing to do for my health.  Lots of studies seem to confirm that amount of sleep as being important for health.  But starting Sunday night, my sleep experience has been quite different.  

Sunday afternoon I came across an opportunity that I wanted to take advantage of - but it required completion of a large project by Monday night. Could I do it? Past experience told me I'd be able to do it, but would need to work hard and probably wouldn't finish until some time Monday evening.  I somewhat half-heartedly checked in with God about it and didn't get a strong negative indication, so decided to go forward.  Frankly I'm not sure if I was really open to hearing God's voice on this matter or not, but the fact I was unusually energized for this project suggests it was indeed in His will.  While I usually try to be in bed by 9 or 10 pm, I found myself wide awake and working on this project until past 2 am.  When I realized what time it was I tried to go to bed, but sleep did not come easily.  I thought of something else related to the project that I figured I would forget if I didn't do something about it right away, so I got up and took care of that. I felt like I could keep going all night, but had reached a point where I needed input from others before I could finish.  I headed back to bed and finally drifted off to sleep sometime between 3 and 4 am - more like the time I ordinarily might be thinking of getting up.  

Fortunately, my work allows me to set my own schedule, so I figured to sleep in the next morning, but was awakened between 6 and 6:30 feeling wide awake.   I got up and went back to work on my project after getting the input I needed, and was able to complete it by 11 am - at least 10 hours before I expected to do so!  Now what?  I knew that under ordinary circumstances, if I miss sleep, it doesn't really hit me until the 2nd day - thus I could expect to feel quite tired on Tuesday. But I had activities planned for Tuesday that I didn't want to miss, so, I decided to try to nap a bit so I would be more likely to be able to participate on Tuesday. But, when I lay down, I just wasn't sleepy, so I got up and went back to work.  That night I went to bed knowing I REALLY needed to sleep!

But I only slept a few hours Monday night before being awakened again feeling wide awake and ready to take on the day.  By 9 am I was starting to feel drowsy, though, so I decided to skip my morning planned activity so I could take a nap and hopefully be awake for the more important evening activity - but again I couldn't sleep!  This is not like me.  I have often found that if I miss sleep at night, a nap during the day will refresh me!  Since I couldn't sleep, I busied myself with things, hoping I'd be okay through the rest of the day.  But sure enough - just like I expected, I began to feel very tired as the afternoon wore on.  As I had been prepared to do, I went to lie down - hoping to sleep so I'd be fresh for the evening's planned activity. But once again, sleep would not come and I got up again and went to work.  By evening, I was feeling tired enough that I decided not to attend the evening activity so I could get my sleep. I made arrangements to miss the activity, but once again, as soon as that decision had been made and regrets had been sent, I was wide awake and just went back to work.

Yesterday was more of the same.  I scheduled my day so I would be working at home and could nap if/when needed. But I didn't need to nap and worked until late last night.  This morning I am again wide awake and feeling foolish.  This week I cancelled several planned activities outside of the house so I could catch up on my sleep - and, though I felt occasional tiredness, I never was tired enough to nap, despite the lack of sleep Sunday night!  

This whole thing has just felt weird.  I had tried to be responsible about making up for my lost sleep, but it just didn't work as it had in the past.  Periodically I'd been seeking guidance about it all, but wasn't getting much of a response.  This morning as I was praying about it, the thought came that I could do a search through the bible for what it had to say about sleep - so I did.  I didn't find what I expected.

Certainly there were some verses that promised sleep - like this one from Proverbs 13:24 - "When thou liest down, thou shalt not be afraid: yea, thou shalt lie down, and thy sleep shall be sweet."  But they mostly seemed focused on not being afraid.

More verses actually warned against sleep - like this one in Provers 20:13 - "Love not sleep, lest you come to poverty; open your eyes, and you will shalt be satisfied with bread."  And then there were the verses in Song of Solomon (chapter 5 verses 2-6) that talked about lying down to sleep, being awakened by the beloved's knock, taking too long to get dressed and open the door so the beloved was gone and she couldn't find him. And there were the stories in the gospels that talked about how Jesus warned the disciples in the Garden of Gethsemane that they should spend their time praying, but how they slept instead. (Matt 26:37-45; Mark 14:33-41; Luke 22:39-46).  I Thessalonians even seems to argue against sleep - "Ye are all the children of light, and the children of the day: we are not of the night, nor of darkness. Therefore let us not sleep, as do others; but let us watch and be sober." (I Thess 5:5-6).

Reading these passages through, I start to get a picture.  I've been worrying about getting caught up on my sleep instead of being open to God's still small voice when I can't sleep.  I think of the story of Samuel - how he was awakened from sleep because God had things to say to him. (I Sam chapter 3)  Instead of waiting too long to open the door like happened in the story in Song of Solomon, I want to be more like Samuel.  Today, I choose to say, "Speak Lord, for your servant is listening."

Father, I worry about so many things!  Thank you for reminding me that I can trust you. Whether it's sleep or things that seem more important - no matter what it is, I can trust you!  Just as I trust you for my daily bread, I can trust you for my daily sleep!  Father, may your will be done in my life!  If your will is for me to sleep, I will sleep.  If your will is for me to be awake, you will waken me.  May I be open to your guidance in this matter - and in all things.  When I am awakened, may I remember to say, "Speak Lord, for your servant is listening" instead of worrying about my need for sleep!  Thank you, Father.