Why Do Bad Things Happen to Good People?

A friend of mine has been on my mind a great deal.  She just lost her husband of many years - who died rather unexpectedly. It was very shocking to all of us who loved him - but especially to her.  As I've prayed for her and her family, I've been wondering how I can be the best friend I can be.  Nothing will bring him back, but are there things I can do that can ease the burden, even a little?  I CERTAINLY don't want to do anything that might make it worse!

As I thought about this, I thought about the story of Job.  In the space of a few minutes he lost nearly everything that mattered to him - not only his possessions, but ALL of his children!  What a shocking blow! Not long after this, he was hit with some disease that caused him to have painful boils all over his body!  How much can one person take?  His friends came to visit and support him in his grief, but the things most of them said to him just made things worse.  I decided to re-read the story to learn what I could about what NOT to do (as well as anything I might glean about what TO do) as I seek to bring some small measure of comfort to my friend.

I sat down and read the book of Job in one sitting so I could get an overview of the full story.  I read with these questions in my mind: "What did Job's friends do that Job experienced as helpful? What did they do that increased Job's pain?"

The first thing Job's friends did was sit with him for 7 days saying absolutely nothing because they recognized the depth of Job's suffering was beyond words.  This appears to be something that helped Job - or at least did not cause him any extra pain.  Sometimes this is what will best serve - just be there and keep my mouth shut!

When they opened their mouths was when they got into trouble!  It sounds like they spent most of their time trying to answer the question, "Why did this happen?"  This is a question many of us ask from time to time.  It's a natural human question. Sometimes I think we're a bit like two-year-old's in our relationship with God. Our tendency to ask "why?" about every little thing, is another example of this.  In thinking about it, I realize that when I ask this question, at core I'm indicating a lack of trust that God knows what He's doing - perhaps even a calling Him to task for His behavior! How arrogant of me! God's understanding is so much beyond mine that I suspect, even if He wanted to answer such an audacious question, I would too often not be able to understand it. How much better if I can just trust that God is in charge, and say with Job, "The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. Blessed be the name of the Lord!" (Job 1:21)  Of course, even this, is more of an internal thing, rather than something to say to my friend.  I suspect that open arms and a closed mouth may serve her better.

Job's friends didn't have the answer to that question either, so they started doing something that seems pretty horrible in retrospect - they started making assumptions about Job!  They assumed he MUST have done something terrible to deserve all the pain he was going through - and told him so!  As I think about this, my reaction is, "Even I know better than that!"  But do I really? While I would never even think such a thing about my friend, let alone say it, how often have I beaten MYSELF up when things didn't go the way I had hoped or expected, figuring I MUST somehow be to blame?  Isn't that the same thing? 

Father, thank you that I can trust you to do all things well.  Thank you that when I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, you are with me and comfort me! (Ps 23:4) Thank you that I don't have to take so much responsibility on my shoulders, but can just follow your guidance and trust you with the results!  And thank you for the timely phone call that I just received that told me something concrete that I can do for my friend!  I love you, Lord! You supply all my needs - physical, mental, emotional, spiritual! I am so grateful!