Yesterday I chose to participate in a call for prayer & fasting with regard to the covid-19 pandemic. This is the first time I have done something like that, and the experience did NOT go as I anticipated.
During my usual morning devotions, I was directed to two topics I've been brought to before. The first was about what strengthens our spiritual immune system (see blog post here). The other was the words in Isaiah chapter 58. The whole chapter is important, but here are a few excerpts: "Cry loudly, do not hold back; raise your voice like a trumpet, and declare to My people their transgression, and to the house of Jacob their sins. Yet they seek Me day by day, and delight to know My ways, as a nation that has done righteousness, and has not forsaken the ordinance of their God. They ask Me for just decisions, they delight in the nearness of God. Why have we fasted and Thou dost not see? Why have we humbled yourselves and Thou dost not notice? . . . Behold, you fast for contention and strife . . . You do not fast like you do today to make your voice heard on high. Is it a fast like this which I choose, a day for man to humble himself? Is it for bowing one's head like a reed, and for spreading out sackcloth and ashes as a bed? Will you call this a fast, even an acceptable day to the Lord? Is this not the fast which I choose, to loosen the bonds of wickedness, to undo the bands of the yoke, and to let the oppressed go free, and to break every yoke? Is it not to divide your bread with the hungry and bring the homeless poor into the house; when you see the naked, to cover him; and not to hide yourself from your own flesh? . . . Then you will call and the Lord will answer . . . If you remove the yoke from your midst, the pointing of the finger and speaking wickedness, and if you give yourself to the hungry and satisfy the desire of the afflicted. . . " (NASB - emphasis mine)
There is so much food for thought here, and I've journaled about this passage many times before (here, here, here, here, and here). In fact, the entire existence of this blog is based in this chapter of Isaiah (see this post). I've looked for ways to help others, and continued to do so yesterday, feeling I was doing pretty well with the type of fast God wanted. I DID notice early in the day that I did some "finger pointing" at my husband, so asked forgiveness for that from him & God, and continued with my prayer and fasting.
I had no idea that was just the tip of the iceberg! Partway through the day I found myself in an argument with someone over the politics that are affecting the nation's response to covid-19. Even after I recognized how uncomfortable I was with the way that conversation went (it was NOT an example of me being a peacemaker as I want to be!), and asked forgiveness from God & the people involved for getting into an argument, I was still very upset. Here I had dedicated that day to seeking God & I ended up in an argument! Father, how could this happen?
I still didn't realize the depth of my mistake. It wasn't until this morning that it finally hit me. ALL of this divisiveness over politics is "pointing the finger" at someone!!!! No wonder we're in trouble as a nation! It is what we are known for right now. And I was as guilty as the next person - though feeling justified because I thought my viewpoint was "right"! After all, I could clearly see the error of their ways!
The moment the truth hit me, I felt such sorrow. God had warned me! He had put that passage in front of me and early on pointed out my tendency to point the finger as I interacted with my husband. But I hadn't really understood. I had no idea how much I did this!
I think I have a better idea now of how Peter felt when he heard that cock crow and realized how he had denied Jesus. Father, I'm sorry! Please forgive me! I felt TERRIBLE. I don't want to be one of those who is an "accuser of the brethren"! This is NOT the way I want to behave! This is NOT the way I want to think - especially on a day dedicated to seeking you, Father!!! PLEASE change me!!! I knew that through His amazing love and mercy He forgave me, but I still felt such pain and sorrow.
And yet, in the midst of all this, I kept hearing that still small voice saying "What about your immunity? Can you rejoice even in this?" How, Father? I've been so wrong. I think of how much I've been doing this over the YEARS and I am appalled and ashamed! I've allowed the accuser inroads into my life - even on the day I dedicated to prayer and fasting! As I continued to talk with my Father, I realized there was at least one thing I could be grateful for in all of this. He finally managed to get through this thick skull of mine! As I thought about the accuser, I looked up that passage, "Then I heard a loud voice in heaven say: “Now have come the salvation
and the power and the kingdom of our God, and the authority of his
Messiah. For the accuser of our brothers and sisters, who accuses them before our God day and night, has been hurled down." Revelation 12:10 (NIV)
Yes, Father, you're right! The accuser has indeed been hurled down today! I know I can trust you to change me. To create in me that clean heart. I am so grateful. I praise you for your love and mercy. You have loved me through the years despite all my blind spots - and even times when I've been rebellious! You continue to GENTLY lead me in paths of righteousness, tenderly pointing out my errors, holding me as I cry in shame and disgust, and compassionately leading me back to joy and praise. You are such a loving Father, and I am SO grateful! NOW have come the salvation and the power and the kingdom of our God and the authority of his Messiah. Wow, Father! Thank you!
The words to another verse comes to mind: "If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land." II Chronicles 7:14 (NIV)
Father, thank you for your promise! Please open the eyes of the others in this nation as you've opened mine. May we turn from pointing the finger. We need your forgiveness and your healing so much. Father, forgive them for they know not what they do - just like I didn't know what I was doing! Thank you for your amazing forgiveness & love. Thank you for Jesus' willingness to come here & die to free us from such chains. May we not let that sacrifice be in vain, Father! May Jesus blood cleanse us as Paul wrote to the Hebrews: "How much more, then, will the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered himself unblemished to God, cleanse our consciences from acts that lead to death, so that we may serve the living God!" Hebrews 9:14 NIV Thank you, for your your love for each one of us, Father! Thank you for your leading! Thank you for not only forgiving us, but CHANGING us! I am SO grateful, Father.
