How Long?

I am worn out waiting for your rescue, but I have put my hope in your word. My eyes are straining to see your promises come true. When will you comfort me? I am shriveled like a wineskin in the smoke, but I have not forgotten to obey your decrees. How long must I wait? When will you punish those who persecute me? These arrogant people who hate your instructions have dug deep pits to trap me. All your commands are trustworthy. Protect me from those who hunt me down without cause. They almost finished me off, but I refused to abandon your commandments. In your unfailing love, spare my life; then I can continue to obey your laws. (Psalms 119:81-88 - Holy Bible, New Living Translation ®, copyright © 1996, 2004 by Tyndale Charitable Trust. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers. All rights reserved.)

There have certainly been times in my life when I felt persecuted and worn out with waiting for God's promises to come true - though much of the time I have been amazed at how quickly and efficiently God works.  And I have to wonder - how many of the times when I've felt discouraged and worn out has it been because I expected God to fulfill my wish list instead of acknowledging the many blessings He gives me each day and accepting His will for me?  For that matter, how many times when I've felt persecuted has it been because others have simply not met my expectations?  I'm learning that my own expectations too often cause me to be blind to God's gifts all around me!  Can I let go of expectations and simply trust my loving Heavenly Father?

The next question that comes to me is, Can I say with the Psalmist that no matter what I have not forgotten to obey God? Do I always put my hope in His word?  Unfortunately, I know there are far too many times when I forget to seek His will at all, let alone follow it!  Father, forgive me for my lack of awareness of you!  Forgive me for those times when I forget to seek you or am too stubborn to hear or follow your lead!  May I let go of my own desires and expectations and seek your will only in my life!  As the Psalmist does, I also know that your commands are trustworthy!  I know that following your will is what saves me and brings me everlasting joy.  Why do I so easily forget that? Why am I so willful?  Father, I ask that you take my will and make it yours that I may always remember to seek you and follow your guidance in all things.  Thank you, Father!

Another verse comes to mind; an earlier verse from this same chapter - "I have hidden your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you." (Psalms 119:11 - Holy Bible, New Living Translation ®, copyright © 1996, 2004 by Tyndale Charitable Trust. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers. All rights reserved.)  Is this yet part of the problem, Father?  Am I still focused on what is best for me rather than what you wish?  I know that part of why I seek your will is that I know in the long run it is what is best for me.  How can I let go of such selfish motivations and make my choices based only on my love for you?  Father, only you can change my heart and make it happen.  Father, I once again ask for a clean heart and right spirit as only you can give.  Only you can so fill me with your love that I can be free of any other motivations.  I ask for this now, Father - even though that selfish part of me is yelling out in fear for the consequences!  I know I can trust you, Father, and I am grateful. Thank you for your love for me no matter what I do!  I am so grateful that in the midst of this selfish world, I have such a loving Father in heaven, and I indeed want your will done in earth as it is in heaven.  What a wonder that will be, Father!  All selfishness erased and everyone acting out of love for each other!  What a concept! I so look forward to that earth made new, Father, and ask that it begin in me.  May my thoughts and actions be that fully based in love, Father!  Thank you, thank you, thank you!

As I re-read today's passage, it strikes me once again.  When the Psalmist talks about those who persecute him, he is often seeking vengeance - "When will you punish those who persecute me?"  This does not sound like the loving motivation I would expect from one who claims to be following God's commands!  Jesus taught us to love our enemies (Matthew 5:44).  Is this part of why the Psalmist is so discouraged?  Because he is expecting God to punish others?  And yet, a loving parent DOES step in and discipline his children when he sees them hurting each other, doesn't he?  Hmm, when they are little, perhaps.  But as they grow older he expects them to take more and more responsibility for working out their own problems doesn't he?  If a parent continues to "fight his children's battles" as they grow older, it ceases to be helpful and begins to harm the child!  Perhaps in our relationships, if we're not seeing God step in to meet out punishment and save us, it is because there are things WE need to do to work things out!  

And then another verse comes to mind: "But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing." (James 1:4 - NKJV)  Is this perhaps part of the problem?  Are there times when I am too impatient?  Do I forget how patiently God leads me and expect Him to lead others more harshly?  

Father, I know there is so much about your ways that I still don't understand.  Thank you for being a patient teacher for me!  May I be so filled with your love that I too am patient while you work with those others of your children!  I love you, Father!

Give Me Sense!

The first part of today's passage really stood out to me:

"You made me; you created me. Now give me the sense to follow your commands. May all who fear you find in me a cause for joy, for I have put my hope in your word.  I know, O Lord, that your regulations are fair; you disciplined me because I needed it.  Now let your unfailing love comfort me, just as you promised me, your servant.  Surround me with your tender mercies so I may live, for your instructions are my delight. Bring disgrace upon the arrogant people who lied about me; meanwhile, I will concentrate on your commandments. Let me be united with all who fear you, with those who know your laws. May I be blameless in keeping your decrees; then I will never be ashamed." (Psalms 119:73-80 - Holy Bible, New Living Translation ®, copyright © 1996, 2004 by Tyndale Charitable Trust. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers. All rights reserved.)

Man, do I need God to give me the sense to follow His commands sometimes!  I think about my challenge with overeating.  That is certainly one of the areas where I need God to give me sense!  I KNOW overeating only makes things worse, but I still find myself doing it at times.  It makes no sense!  Father, please give me the sense to follow your guidance for me! You created me, you made me, you know what is best for me.  Your guidelines are my owner's manual.  Please give me the sense to seek your wisdom and follow your guidance!  

As I continue reading, I am moved by the idea that as I put my hope in God's word, those around me who understand and appreciate God's ways might find in me a cause for joy.  Father, I want to be a cause for joy for all who come in contact with me!

As I read the next few verses, I get a picture of a little kid fighting against parental authority, and then that same child becoming mature enough to acknowledge that their parent was right in disciplining them.  Father, I don't want to be a silly spoiled child.  I want to be mature enough to appreciate your discipline.  I know you only have my best interests at heart and I am grateful for your love.  May I feel your love surround me, even when I may have to be disciplined by you.  And may I understand and appreciate your precepts and follow them so that such discipline is no longer necessary.  Thank you, Father!

For the Best

Today brings more gems from Psalms 119 - 

"Be good to your servant, God; be as good as your Word. Train me in good common sense; I'm thoroughly committed to living your way.  Before I learned to answer you, I wandered all over the place, but now I'm in step with your Word.  You are good, and the source of good; train me in your goodness.  The godless spread lies about me, but I focus my attention on what you are saying; They're bland as a bucket of lard, while I dance to the tune of your revelation.  My troubles turned out all for the best —  they forced me to learn from your textbook.  Truth from your mouth means more to me than striking it rich in a gold mine. (Psalms 119:65-72 - from THE MESSAGE: The Bible in Contemporary Language © 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson. All rights reserved.)

As I read the words, "Train me in good common sense;" I think of the saying, "common sense isn't common".  Clearly God's ways are NOT the common way of doing things - yet they are indeed the most sensible - they bring the best results by far. 

And I can relate to the idea of wandering all over the place.  My search for God was a lot like wandering in the wilderness.  I've had so many things I had to un-learn - so many of those foolish old tapes that have nothing to do with the reality of life with God!  I note that the Psalmist says this wandering occurred before he learned to answer God.  Hmmm, I always thought of it as being before I learned to listen to God.  Are there some things I need to answer Him with?  I think of Samuel's response - "Speak Lord, for thy servant heareth." Of course a response is required.  I need to respond "Yes, Lord"!  Father, may I follow you so well that I can truly say, "I'm in step with your Word"!

God is indeed good and the source of good - and I can be trained in His goodness! What a great reminder.  If ever I get discouraged and don't see a lot of good in my life, these are times to ask God to train me in His goodness!  And even when I think I see a lot of good, I need to continue to ask God to train me in His goodness because God doesn't see as man sees. We're told, "For the Lord sees not as man sees; for man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart." (I Sam 16:7 - Amplified Bible).   Father, I want your goodness to be my guide.  I want to be trained in your goodness that I can be a channel for Your goodness in this world.  And I want to learn from you and remember to value as you do - to focus on the inner person, not outward appearances - whether looking at myself, or any other of your children.  Thank you, Father!

I've had many experiences of people spreading lies about me, and it's been painful. I'm sad to say that sometimes I've even allowed such experiences to make me fearful and cause me to be too cautious about stepping out and doing what God has called me to do.  I am reminded, "For you have now received not a spirit of slavery to put you once more in bondage to fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption in which we cry Abba, (Father)! Father!" (Romans 8:15 - Amplified Bible)  Clearly at these times, I need to turn the focus of my attention to what my Heavenly Father is saying to me, and I love the visual here of dancing to the tune of God's revelation!  This is indeed the truth of the matter.  When I keep my focus on God where it belongs, I can rest in the shelter of His arms and dance, instead of worrying about what gossips are saying about me!  I am so grateful!

I also have experienced the fact that "my troubles turned out all for the best" - or as Romans 8:28 puts it, "all things work together for good".  But I don't want to rely on trouble to cause me to learn from God's textbook! I want to enjoy dancing with Him everyday!  However, when trouble comes, I certainly want to remember that it will turn out all for the best, trust my Heavenly Father, and continue to seek His guidance.

Father, I am so grateful for your guidance!  I am ashamed when I see how easily the opinions of others and fear of their gossip can make me hesitant to follow your lead. Father, in the storms of life I want to ALWAYS keep my eyes on you! I think of our upcoming dance showcase and my fears of looking foolish as I dance with my husband - fears of making mistakes and of looking ungainly instead of graceful - and I realize I sometimes have similar fears when it comes to dancing with you, Father.  I fear I'll look foolish to those around me, that I'll cause us to look ungainly as I misinterpret your lead or forget to wait on you and instead step out on my own.  But, just like I haven't let those fears stop me from dancing with my husband, knowing that only practice will teach me to follow as I ought, I don't want to let such fears keep me from dancing with you Lord!  And I realize that just as in dancing with my husband, as long as I am on this earthly plane, there will be times when I make a misstep, and always more to learn - how to follow ever more fully, and how to execute ever more intricate steps! Thank you, Father, for your patience as I'm learning, and for your guidance. I DO value your guidance much more than all the gold in a goldmine.

In the Still of the Night

As I once again turn to the next section of verses in Psalms 119, I am struck that this time when it starts by talking about promises, it is not talking about God's promises to me, but my promises to God.  I've always thought of myself as a woman of my word - one who keeps her promises.  But how well could I keep a promise like this? 

"Because you have satisfied me, God, I promise to do everything you say.  I beg you from the bottom of my heart: smile, be gracious to me just as you promised.  When I took a long, careful look at your ways, I got my feet back on the trail you blazed.  I was up at once, didn't drag my feet, was quick to follow your orders.  The wicked hemmed me in — there was no way out —  but not for a minute did I forget your plan for me.  I get up in the middle of the night to thank you; your decisions are so right, so true — I can't wait till morning!  I'm a friend and companion of all who fear you, of those committed to living by your rules.  Your love, God, fills the earth! Train me to live by your counsel." (Psalms 119:57-64 - from THE MESSAGE: The Bible in Contemporary Language © 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson. All rights reserved.)

Am I even willing to consider such a promise?  God has made such wonderful promises to me.  And yet I am nervous about making such a promise to Him.  I worry that it's one that I can't keep.  But can't I claim God's promises to enable me to do so?  Father, I too, want you to train me to live by your counsel.  I want to be able to promise to do everything you say, but I know how powerful old tapes and old ways of doing things can be in me.  This is why I need your salvation, Lord!  And I thank you for the many promises of salvation that you have given me!  May I trust you to make the necessary changes in me so that I CAN promise to do everything you say!  I want to be able to say with the Psalmist that I am quick to follow your orders!  

I think of the way orders must be followed in the military.  If that much respect can be afforded fallible human officers, how much more respect should I be able to show my God? How can I even think to argue with someone who has my best interest at heart and who knows everything so is making the very best decisions everytime? Father, forgive me!  Thank you for your patience with me.  May I indeed be eager and quick to follow your instructions!

The words that really stand out to me in this passage, though are those about getting up in the middle of the night.  I often awake in the middle of the night.  At first, I just grumbled and complained and got up to try to accomplish something since I couldn't sleep.  Then I came across that passage that talked about God giving sleep to those He loves (Psalms 127:2), and I've started reminding God of that promise when I awaken in the middle of the night. As I've repeated that promise and meditated on it, I have been grateful for the way God has fulfilled His promise so that I've been able to go back to sleep.  

Now I have a new thought.  What if I use those times I'm awake in the middle of the night to THANK God?  Rather than reminding God of His promises (which He ALREADY remembers), why not thank Him for them?  Father, I am indeed grateful for your promises - and not just because of the promised benefits, but because of what they show me about your character.  Father, I am so grateful that you give sleep to those you love! I think of the story my daughter told me recently about a company that expected its employees to work 12 - 15 hour days for months on end - and then fired them when they still couldn't meet the impossible deadlines.  This is NOT the way God is!  God loves me and knows that I need my sleep!  His yoke is easy and His burden is light.  Thank you, Father!

Father, thank you for such great love that it fills the earth!  I DO want to learn to live fully by your counsel.  Thank you for your continued work to make of me a new creature, removing those old tapes that get in the way of my understanding of You and Your will for me.  Thank you for the promises that you will see to completion the work that you have begun in me!  I love you, Father.

Promises & Teachings

Today's verses from Psalms 119 start by speaking about God's promises:

"Remember your promise to me; it is my only hope. Your promise revives me; it comforts me in all my troubles. The proud hold me in utter contempt, but I do not turn away from your instructions. I meditate on your age-old regulations; O Lord, they comfort me. I become furious with the wicked, because they reject your instructions. Your decrees have been the theme of my songs wherever I have lived. I reflect at night on who you are, O Lord; therefore, I obey your instructions.  This is how I spend my life: obeying your commandments."  (Psalms 119:49-56 - Holy Bible, New Living Translation ®, copyright © 1996, 2004 by Tyndale Charitable Trust. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers. All rights reserved.)

I've had that experience - of being revived and comforted by God's promises.  Thank you, Father! So many times I've found myself starting to move into fear until I remember one of God's promises that banishes my fears.  While this section starts out asking God to remember His promise to me, I suspect that once again it's not God that needs reminding, but me!  I think I understand the writer, though.  Sometimes things happen that scare us and make us uncomfortable.  It's easy at times like this to think God has forgotten His promises - but at such a time, it's really me that has forgotten to trust!  These verses remind me that at such a time, it can be really helpful to meditate on God's instructions to me - this will bring comfort! Thank you, God!  My old tapes tell me that thinking about God's teachings will make me uncomfortable, but clearly one of the promises that is repeated over and over is that meditating on God's word to me will bring the opposite.  It will bring comfort! 

For some reason, these thoughts remind me of my grandmother - a godly woman who spent time daily meditating on God's word.  When my aunt was killed in a car accident that resulted in a wrongful death payment to my grandparents, they passed some of that money on to me. My grandmother said at the time, "Did you know that the Bible says we are to leave an inheritance to our grandchildren?"  She quoted this verse, that frankly I hadn't remembered seeing before: "Good people leave their wealth to their grandchildren"! (Proverbs 13:22 NCV) 

I couldn't help but think about the many people who consider themselves Christians and yet leave all their wealth to a church or other charitable organization, leaving their children and grandchildren feeling unloved because of their actions - not just unloved by their human parents and grandparents, but unloved by a God who would expect this.  I'm so glad my grandmother spent the time seeking to understand God's teachings for herself. Her sharing this verse with me was even more important than the generous financial gift she gave me. It reinforced God's love for me. God loves ME - not just the nameless, faceless masses of other people with needs!  Thank you, Father for your love - and for the way my grandmother was willing to be an open channel of that love from You to me.

This then, is an example to me of the value of studying God's teachings.  There are undoubtedly many gems such as this one in Proverbs that I have yet to find.  And, as this passage from Psalms suggests, as I meditate on God's word to me, it causes me to reflect also on who God really is.  Just as I can tell a great deal about human leader by the laws he creates and the way he enforces them, I can learn a great deal about God in the same way.  God's laws reflect His character.  But I have to meditate on God's word for myself so that I am not one of those Jesus spoke of when He said, "And in vain they worship Me, Teaching as doctrines the commandments of men." (Matthew 15:9 NKJV)  This is why I must become a new creature. If I hang on to "old tapes", they will taint the "new to me" teachings God is wanting to share with me.

Father, this morning I am so grateful for these insights you are giving me.  You know how many of these old tapes still run around in my head making it difficult to understand your will for me.  I thank you that you are in the process of making me a new creature and bringing these tapes to my consciousness so they can be removed as they should be!  Thank you so much for your love to me!  Thank you so much for your patience! I know I am a really slow learner sometimes!  Thank you for being such an understanding and patient teacher!  I love you, Father.